Non smokers visiting smokers.

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Bob, I can sympathize with you as a fellow non-smoker that has had to make certain decisions based on the smoking habits of other people. I can not stand cigarette smoke and when I was younger, it actually made me physically sick. We used to visit my uncle's house in which he smoked in the house despite having four kids (I was in my teends then). One time I had to excuse myself to the car (in the winter, no less) because the smoke was so bad. I stayed outside reading a book for hours rather than visit with the family. Not sure how my uncle's family took it, nor did I really care as I had to look out for my own health. Today, goes outside to smoke, I think that was a decision based on the kids.

Funny thing is I can go into a bar or club (well, I used to at least!) and not have an issue but a single butt sets me off. The worst is being prisoner on a chairlift when someone in the next chair or a few up lights up (or the one you are on for that matter!). Normally you can reposition yourself. Smokers seem to think they have this huge right to smoke any where any time, but they often forget how much some people hate second hand smoke, and I think in public places, non-smokers have the "right" not to breathe smoke. When walking around, I can reposition and it is no problem. But on a ski lift, there is nothing you can do but breathe shallow and stick your nose down your neck warmer or jacket.

Back on topic, the best you can do with your friends is only visit them out of doors or in public non-smoking places. Obviously, their house is no longer a friendly place for you. Though it seems like your friends are not even being considerate of your feelings on the matter... which is a completely different issue and one that I would go so far as distancing myself from a long term friend if I saw developing. The smoking issue you guys can work around. If they are getting an attitude because the smoke irritates you, that is a problem.

Bob, I've been on both sides. I've smoked since I was a kid, gave it up for 9 years and then like a fool got sucked back into it. I smoked for about 10 years and now am smoke free for about 18 months. Yes smokers for the most part can be very inconsiderated, when I smoked I always tried to be considerate of non smokers. However as a smoker you do not realize how sensetive a non smoker can be to cigarrete smoke.

My suggestion, pretty much the same as Steve's, meet you friends in smoke free enviornments. If they ask why you are not willing to come to their residence, don't hesitate to tell them. You can do it as nicely as possible, but make it know how sensitive you are to smoke. Bottom line if they are your friends, they will understand.

www.choicehotels.com

Seriously though, I totally agree with you about smoking. I can't stand it either. I get headachy, eyes water etc. I guess I'm lucky that none of my friends/family smoke, so I've never been in a situation such as yours. Am curious to read what advice folks give you!

We feel simularly being non -smokers .

Managing your health is of prime importance. The info re secondary smoke is real and so while you and i would love to enter and enjoy our smoking friends homes for extended visits it simply is not wise to do so in periods of limited outdoor activity

Visit but , stay in motels or inns and use the excuse that you passing thru to a destination and would LOVE to see them for dinner or whatever . TAKE care of YOURSELVES ----if you don't well u know the drill

My wife and I feel the same way. We simply avoid situations where there is going to be smoking at almost all costs, especially now that we have our daughter and another on the way. We make it known that's the reason we leave or don't attend certain functions. If others can't understand that then it's their problem. I've even told off, in not so nice terms (go f yourself), a family member after coming around my daughter while smoking after being asked multiple times not to. It does kind of suck sometimes, having to pick choose what we're going to do based on smoke, but as mentioned above the health benefits are very important to us too...

andyzee said:

If they ask why you are not willing to come to their residence, don't hesitate to tell them. You can do it as nicely as possible, but make it know how sensitive you are to smoke. Bottom line if they are your friends, they will understand.

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That part in bold should wrap this whole dilemma up for you.

I smoked in college and for a bit after as did my wife. We've both been smoke free for probably 7+ years. Cigarette smoke really doesn't bother me all that much. I guess since I've been a smoker in the past. Entering into a smoker's house is truly nauseating though. We never smoked inside. Had many guy weekends at my uncle's camp up in Maine where we'd smoke cigars like fiends though. All the whiskey and beer usually desensitizes you...

riverc0il said:

The worst is being prisoner on a chairlift when someone in the next chair or a few up lights up (or the one you are on for that matter!).

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Don't mean to pick on you Steve, but isn't this a bit over the top? "Prisoner?" At best you might catch a wiff or two on a windy chairlift. You're certainly not going to get choked out by it, are you? I guess everyone's sensitivity is different. Now I agree that someone on the same chair should ask before lighting up..

I guess my feeling is there needs to be a balance. I put non-smokers that get overly sensitive and (forgive me) vocally whiney, on the same level of smokers that feel its their right to smoke where/whenever they want, don't ask permission, or are offended if someone asks them not to. I am glad smoking is not allowed in restaurants anymore though. The smoke from a butt dangling in an ashtray that streams over to your nose while you're eating was truly miserable, but a quick whiff of cigarette smoke while outside here and there? No big deal and ceratinly not any detriment to your health.

What kind of "smoke" are we talking about? Doug?

In any case here in Jersey and the Big Island (heck I guess it's all of NY) They've banned "smoking" in any public place

And while it's not a public place, my home is smoke free, so when I want to fire up a cuban, it's out on the deck...marriage (or is that mirage?) is a wonderful thing

Just kidding honey

Screw em. And by the way, get your kids some help too, like ASAP. It really is one of the dumbest things you can do, period. I'm not all the bothered by it, I'm probably desensitized by the time I spend around open fires and diesel smoke, but I still despize the stink of it. Especially on my clothes.

I think my parents would have actually disowned me, or at least told people I was adopted if I was dumb enough to smoke.

As a caveat, I'm talking about habitually smoking cigarettes. Pipe smoke can smell nice once in a while, cigars stink too, but whatever, I at least can understand the attraction. And I can understand the old guys that started before anyone knew how unhealthy it really was. Andy probably falls into that category, he must have taken it up in the trenches of WWI probably.

If you think that going to a house where people smoke can be a problem, how about going to a cat/dog lover's house when you have allergies to pet dander?

I agree with everyone's comments...if your friends and relatives are reasonable they should not feel offended if you tell them about your sensitivities to smoke.

Greg said:

Don't mean to pick on you Steve, but isn't this a bit over the top? "Prisoner?" At best you might catch a wiff or two on a windy chairlift. You're certainly not going to get choked out by it, are you? I guess everyone's sensitivity is different. Now I agree that someone on the same chair should ask before lighting up..

I guess my feeling is there needs to be a balance. I put non-smokers that get overly sensitive and (forgive me) vocally whiney, on the same level of smokers that feel its their right to smoke where/whenever they want, don't ask permission, or are offended if someone asks them not to. I am glad smoking is not allowed in restaurants anymore though. The smoke from a butt dangling in an ashtray that streams over to your nose while you're eating was truly miserable, but a quick whiff of cigarette smoke while outside here and there? No big deal and ceratinly not any detriment to your health.

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I gotta disagree with you here, you are a prisoner on the chair. IMO anytime you can smell it your health is being affected, even if just a small amount.

Call me whiny if you want, but that's the way I feel and it is a big deal to ME. I wouldn't say anything to a stranger, just not confrontational like that, I would move away if I could though.

bvibert said:

I gotta disagree with you here, you are a prisoner on the chair. IMO anytime you can smell it your health is being affected, even if just a small amount.

Call me whiny if you want, but that's the way I feel and it is a big deal to ME. I wouldn't say anything to a stranger, just not confrontational like that, I would move away if I could though.

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No worries. Have no problem disagreeing. I guess part of my point is there is little you can do about it, barring outlawing smoking entirely and I don't think that's a slippery slope we want to go down. If you're worried about a wiff of cigarette smoke from time to time, you better just stay cooped up in your house all day. I really struggle with the claim that a wiff of smoke on a chairlift from a chair, what 30 or 40 feet ahead of you, is going to really affect your health. That seems silly to me. What about a wiff of 2 stoke fumes from the resort's snowmobiles? Does that concern anyone? Maybe we should ban those too.

Living in close quarters with a smoker? Working as a bartender when bars/restaurants allowed smoking? Sharing a car ride with a smoker? Those are examples of where second hand smoke can absolutely affect your health. Let's keep it in perspective.

Greg said:

No worries. Have no problem disagreeing. I guess part of my point is there is little you can do about it, barring outlawing smoking entirely and I don't think that's a slippery slope we want to go down. If you're worried about a wiff of cigarette smoke from time to time, you better just stay cooped up in your house all day. I really struggle with the claim that a wiff of smoke on a chairlift from a chair, what 30 or 40 feet ahead of you, is going to really affect your health. That seems silly to me. What about a wiff of 2 stoke fumes from the resort's snowmobiles? Does that concern anyone? Maybe we should ban those too.

Living in close quarters with a smoker? Working as a bartender when bars/restaurants allowed smoking? Sharing a car ride with a smoker? Those are examples of where second hand smoke can absolutely affect your health. Let's keep it in perspective.

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I agree with this. People who smoke near me in the outdoors are not even a blip on my radar...I'm more likely to smell the septic system from the summit lodge at Hunter than the smoke from someone smoking on a chair next to me. That just does not bother me and I don't care if they ask me if it's OK or not.

But I can't stand cigarette smoke in any closed environment. Just like I'll change the channel if a show I'm watching is offensive to me, I just get up and leave such situations. And just like I don't care if a smoker smokes outdoors without asking, smokers shouldn't care if I leave a confined space because of their smoke without saying anything. Because they know it's a disgusting habit.

And if they have the balls to question why I'm just leaving, I tell them why in no uncertain terms. Because THEY asked.

Well, back to the original topic...

Stay in a hotel

Invite them to your house instead. Home-field advantage.

Or



That'll give 'em a little hint...

Paul---------------:beer:

Greg said:

No worries. Have no problem disagreeing. I guess part of my point is there is little you can do about it, barring outlawing smoking entirely and I don't think that's a slippery slope we want to go down. If you're worried about a wiff of cigarette smoke from time to time, you better just stay cooped up in your house all day. I really struggle with the claim that a wiff of smoke on a chairlift from a chair, what 30 or 40 feet ahead of you, is going to really affect your health. That seems silly to me. What about a wiff of 2 stoke fumes from the resort's snowmobiles? Does that concern anyone? Maybe we should ban those too.

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I never said anything about banning anything did I? I don't care to smell the 2 stroke fumes either and I get annoyed when I have to smell them while skiing too. I agree that there is little I can do about it, the best I can do is move away when possible.

Y'know... another subtle hint you could drop on them would be to eat lots of meat, especially red meat for dinner there. Be sure to have plenty of beans as a side dish. Maybe some eggs and fish as well.




Then let 'er rip.

Im a little weird about the whole smoking thing, i have never smoked but also never had a problem hanging out in bars all night back when you could smoke.. I noticed alot of people say well if they were your friend then they would understand, well that being said i am their friend as well and ill just suck it up for those 2 minutes to be in the company of a good friend even if he or she is a smoker, i dont think a few inhales of 2nd hand smoke is really gonna make a noticable difference on how many days im going to live, even if i dont enjoy the experience..