The AlpineZone Battle Royal

By far the two biggest factions here on AZ are:

• The Arrogant Moguls Nuts
• The Pretentious Turn Earners

This is a thread solely for trash talkin' so let's all take off the gloves and throw down. This is kinda like the mother of roast threads, based on skiing preference and should keep us busy in the off-season. :lol:

I specifically didn't include those wimpy groomer lovers that only want to carve the flats to achieve mad steezy speed or those silly knuckle draggin' snowboarders here. The mogul nuts and turn earners would undoubtedly join forces and kick their asses if those posers came around. This thread is for real men.



I shouldn't have to say it, but this thread is meant to be in jest. Carry on...

I still have a month left of quality skiing...

Hmm... lets compare what Greg skied last Friday vs. what I skied.
http://forums.alpinezone.com/27324-sugarbush-4-25-2008-a.html
vs.
http://timefortuckerman.com/forums/showpost.php?p=111401&postcount=5

Looks like a close call. Right...

(This thread is going to be fun:uzi::flame

BTW: You guys can have AndyZee. We were going to recruit him, but after seeing his fatass barely make it up Hillmans Highway once I've decided you guys get him.

awf170 said:

http://timefortuckerman.com/forums/showpost.php?p=111401&postcount=5

Click to expand...

Sweet pics, Austin! But how much skiing did you actually do?

Greg said:

Sweet pics, Austin! But how much skiing did you actually do?

Click to expand...

Five runs. Probably more than half the old men on this forum do in a day of lift served skiing.

(I should be doing homework right now. This thread is not going to help)

awf170 said:

(I should be doing homework right now. This thread is not going to help)

Click to expand...

Homework. He he he. :lol:

Greg said:

Homework. He he he. :lol:

Click to expand...

Yep fun stuff. So once you moguls skiers inevitably lose this argument at least you'll still be able to resort to say that I'm a huge loser who stays home on Friday night and does homework.

BTW: I think I need to call Marc to come check out this thread. Combine the pretentiousness of being an a scumbag engineer + turn-earner and we'll have a winning combination.

Turn earners are people you don't like to get a lot of vert in a day and have way to much time on there hands to want to walk up mountain.

Snowboarders are people who can't handle two boards so they use one fat one.

People who ski fast use it as an excuse to avoid skiing bumps...since they can't.

Bump skiers rule!!!! They can ski anywhere on the mountain get lots of vert and use two boards to do it.

awf170 said:

I still have a month left of quality skiing...

Hmm... lets compare what Greg skied last Friday vs. what I skied.
http://forums.alpinezone.com/27324-sugarbush-4-25-2008-a.html
vs.
http://timefortuckerman.com/forums/showpost.php?p=111401&postcount=5

Looks like a close call. Right...

Click to expand...

Hmm... lets compare what Austin skied last Friday vs. what I skied.


Me? Pretentious turn earner? Never. ps. I have 30+ days of skiing left this year.

ALLSKIING said:

People who ski fast use it as an excuse to avoid skiing bumps...since they can't.

Click to expand...

That's me! You hit the nail on the head.:grin:

redalienx11 said:

Hmm... lets compare what Austin skied last Friday vs. what I skied.

.

Click to expand...

Sweet view of the road. :roll: Real wilderness out there in the Was-angeles mountains. Did you get a nice view of that sweet smog cloud over SLC, or did you just get to see the ugly ass town. So how many of your closest friends did you have to share that mountain with? A few hundred?

(Us turn-earners aren't a friendly group. Even towards each other)

This thread is awesome...

Edit: Don't even get me started on you filthy, gorp eating, hemp wearing, weed smoking telemarkers.

Edit #2: Don't sell us short, Greg. We're pretty arrogant also. I'd said we're more arrogant and pretentious then those stupid bump skiers. Oh man how about the gay pants bump skiers wear... Those are radical :roll:

Shouldn't there be a duplicate thread for the turn earners here?

They aren't skiers, they're sicko hikers who only enjoy going up hills.

awf170 said:

Five runs. Probably more than half the old men on this forum do in a day of lift served skiing.

(I should be doing homework right now. This thread is not going to help)

Click to expand...

I hit Outer Limits five times an hour for six hours a day. I did 120 turn-earner days this year!

mondeo said:

I hit Outer Limits five times an hour for six hours a day. I did 120 turn-earner days this year!

Click to expand...

:lol: That's awesome. So...let's pin it down and try to figure out what the bump skier to turn earner day ratio is. 3:1? 4:1? Looks like my meager 41 day season is at least a 123 day turn-earner season. Sweet!

Yup. Those turn earners are kinda like GSS who counts 90 minute sessions at Blue Mountain as a full ski day... :lol:

awf170 said:

BTW: You guys can have AndyZee. We were going to recruit him, but after seeing his fatass barely make it up Hillmans Highway once I've decided you guys get him.

Click to expand...

LMFAO...about Andy..85 pounds on my back..Zee..

Let me roast myself..goes all the way to Jackson Hole and only skis inbounds lift serviced terrain..what a gaper..and on non powder days made 5 laps an hour down 2700 vert groomers to pad his vertical foot totals and get mad steezy speed.

Quits after only 10 runs when it's pouring rain at Blue mountain.

Arrives at Blue mountain at 7:10AM even though the lifts don't start until 7:30AM for an empty first few runs and fresh cord.

Gets credit card air on all the booters except the big mother-F#cking booter at Blue..mad steezy yo..

Almost gets his ass kicked by cutting in front of an old hippie skibums skis in the line at Jackson Hole..hey he was getting coffee or taking a dump..you can't reserve liftline spots with skis..maybe I'll reserve a spot in line for a concert with one of my shoes...mad Homer Simpson..doh

Started drinking beer at 7:15AM on closing day at Blue and at 9:00AM on retro gaper day at Blue..but didn't get a Ski-Ui

Is thinking about skiing with a clown horn next season..

Thinks 88mm underfoot are fatboyz..

Mogul style can be defined as goose stomping

Says mad steezy yo more than any other human being on earth.

Hits on MILFs from Cherry Hill New Jersey on the chairlift with a Joey Tribioni from Friends,"How You Doing"

Made out on a chairlift during the 2007-08 ski season..with another person..a woman at that..who had all her teeth..

Spends more time posting on ski sights than skiing despite skiing a combined 326 days in the past three ski season..

Knows the vert of nearly every ski resort by heart..

Enjoys the occasion NT..No Turn run..

Likes to straight run moguls

Likes to make GS turns through deep crud

Dislikes deep piles of sugar but doesn't let them phase him

Major one legged steeze..can ski a blue run on one leg top to bottom better than most of the Blue mountain ski patrollers can do it on two legs

Skis faster than Gorgonzola down Razors Edge while drinking a beer..

Leaves Kingslug in the dust...

Would whip Greg and AWF in a Chinese downhill..

Is a rapping fool..loves to battle rap

Does the best running man..in ski boots..in the world..and is bringing out the cardboard next season for some parking lot brake dancing

Enjoys Roasting himself..

Greg said:

Yup. Those turn earners are kinda like GSS who counts 90 minute sessions at Blue Mountain as a full ski day... :lol:

Click to expand...

In those 90 minutes I ski more Vert than skiing any 14er..and I only had a few sub two hour sessions this season on days where 99 percent of the people didn't bother due to rain, freezing rain or locusts..

When it comes to talking chit, I can't be bothered wasting time with such ametuers.. :roll:

andyzee said:

I'm the king of chit talk, you guys don't even rate. :roll:

Click to expand...

Your Avatar looks like boobs and now I have a semi..

GrilledSteezeSandwich said:

Your Avatar looks like boobs and now I have a semi..

Click to expand...

Crank it out dude. :lol:

andyzee said:

When it comes to talking chit, I can't be bothered wasting time with such ametuers.. :roll:

Click to expand...

How's the gangrene on those heels of yours? You are one vile greasy ape of a man.

My favorite bumper sticker ever: No one cares that you tele.


Really it's all good, but really hiking for skiing really can't be looked down on. This is the closest think to true natural skiing there is.