Gear Descriptions - Oh Yeah!

Trekchick · Feb 17, 2009

Sometimes I read a description of ski gear and think WOW, that sounds fun!
Other times I read a description and it sounds like the same old thing.

This one of the Nordica Zero really made me chuckle:

Achieve zen-like balance, bird-like flotation, and pornstar curve when you ski the Nordica Zero Ski. This new school true twin punishes the backcountry and park like a couple of misbehaved children. Equally-weighted tip and tail make spinning and riding switch a cake walk, while ample underfoot and sexy curve help you carve a capital “P” in the powder without getting sucked under

Post up your favourite(or least favourite) gear descriptions.

wa-loaf · Feb 17, 2009

Got your eye on Tramdock today? ;-)

Trekchick · Feb 17, 2009

I watch but lately I haven't been buying.
You have to admit, its pretty entertaining.

bvibert · Feb 17, 2009

Forget going big. Go enormous on the Dynastar Huge Trouble Ski.

severine · Feb 17, 2009

Trekchick said:
Achieve zen-like balance, bird-like flotation, and pornstar curve when you ski the Nordica Zero Ski. This new school true twin punishes the backcountry and park like a couple of misbehaved children. Equally-weighted tip and tail make spinning and riding switch a cake walk, while ample underfoot and sexy curve help you carve a capital “P” in the powder without getting sucked under

Makes you really want them, doesn't it?

I want to learn how to do pornstar curves.

Trekchick · Feb 17, 2009

severine said:
Makes you really want them, doesn't it? I want to learn how to do pornstar curves.

Me too!:wink:

drjeff · Feb 17, 2009

severine said:
Makes you really want them, doesn't it? I want to learn how to do pornstar curves.

Trekchick said:
Me too!:wink:

Sooner or later some large pieces of plastic are going to enter this thread I'm guessing

Hawkshot99 · Feb 17, 2009

Hi. My name is Love™ and I’m on the market for someone who’s looking to score serious action, no matter where they like to stick it. I enjoy laps through the park; long, hard grinds on my meaty Park Edges followed by a good, hot waxing. Whether you’re hitting it from the front or the back, my mid wide shape, supple flex, and twin tips like it kinky. Keegan and Mikkel love riding me, I hope you will too.

riverc0il · Feb 17, 2009

I hate all gear descriptions. 100% marketing department generated. The tech speak of a gear description is usually elementary at best and can easily be understood just by looking at the ski or basic specs. I skip right to the specs. Always. I used to read descriptions but I just get completely disgusted. The specs tell the real story about where your trade off is and where the ski might give up performance. Following up reading online reviews and getting on the ski itself tell the rest of the story. Gear descriptions are only given much credence by suckers. The funny ones just piss me off even more. You can almost hear the marketing folks snickering around a table "this cute funny stuff will really sell some boards."

severine · Feb 17, 2009

You're not the target audience.

I know it's a ploy, but I find it entertaining. Then again, there was a time in my life when I considered going into marketing, so maybe that's why. Have any of you seen "Crazy People" with Daryl Hannah and Dudley Moore? :lol:

bvibert · Feb 18, 2009

riverc0il said:
I hate all gear descriptions. 100% marketing department generated. The tech speak of a gear description is usually elementary at best and can easily be understood just by looking at the ski or basic specs. I skip right to the specs. Always. I used to read descriptions but I just get completely disgusted. The specs tell the real story about where your trade off is and where the ski might give up performance. Following up reading online reviews and getting on the ski itself tell the rest of the story. Gear descriptions are only given much credence by suckers. The funny ones just piss me off even more. You can almost hear the marketing folks snickering around a table "this cute funny stuff will really sell some boards."

BC.com adds their own descriptions to some (all??) products, which are what I find funny. I think they realize that most people don't put much stock in the descriptions, so they have fun with it.

bvibert · Mar 12, 2009

This one made me chuckle...

Mikey, Mikey, this ain't the kind of place you want to go to the bathroom in.

You really, really want to wear your short-sleeved Goonies T-Shirt, but it's really, really cold outside. If you don't have the Coal Women's Sierra Armwarmers, you're screwed. If you do have the Sierra Armwarmers, yank 'em on to keep your forearms from freezing during the freaking cold search for Astoria's secret caves.

Warp Daddy · Mar 12, 2009

yeah i think teh marketing schlock is amped up for another target audience for sure . It's aimed at shaking loose some fool's gold from those who think that some new skins or graphics are going to turn them into freaking Bode Miller or some some cliff hucker or jib honk ---

Pitiful schlock but obviously effective and yet another example of just how gullible the masses really are..Most of us defer to specifications , then Demo them if possible , but throw the marketing hype in the shitter

severine · Mar 12, 2009

I don't make my decisions based on the marketing. But I do find it amusing. I like the creativity of it.

bvibert · Mar 24, 2010

I thought of this thread when I read this description for some wind blocking cycling boxers on Bonktown.

"Keep your tip toasty warm by blocking cold breezes with the Descente Men’s Pro-V Mid Windboxer. On long, fast downhills, cold-air induced discomfort can distract you from the task at hand—nailing corners while cruising at 50mph. The moisture-wicking, wind-blocking Pro-V boxer will keep you focused on the ride and not on a cold member. "

RootDKJ · Mar 24, 2010

drjeff said:
Sooner or later some large pieces of plastic are going to enter this thread I'm guessing

Or silicone:wink:

Hawkshot99 said:
Hi. My name is Love™ and I’m on the market for someone who’s looking to score serious action, no matter where they like to stick it. I enjoy laps through the park; long, hard grinds on my meaty Park Edges followed by a good, hot waxing. Whether you’re hitting it from the front or the back, my mid wide shape, supple flex, and twin tips like it kinky. Keegan and Mikkel love riding me, I hope you will too.

I lol'd :lol:

Puck it · Mar 24, 2010

RootDKJ said:
Or silicone:wink:

I lol'd :lol:

And AA batteries!!!!!!!!:-o

drjeff · Mar 24, 2010

Puck it said:
And AA batteries!!!!!!!!:-o

I prefer D "batteries" over AA's

:lol:

severine · Mar 24, 2010

drjeff said:
I prefer D "batteries" over AA's :lol:

skidon · Mar 26, 2010

Here's a good one - A rag called Skipress did a "Gear Test" last fall. Out of "258 Winning Skis for Men and Women", not ONE was a K2. This after the Apache Xplorer was shown on the front cover of Ski Magazine's buyers guide, which came out the same month. I guess K2 didn't have enough advertising in Skipress?? Anyway, I don't trust mag reviews any farther than I can throw them, but they CAN be amusing at times...

Gear Descriptions - Oh Yeah!

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