dont get married folks a message from the experienced....

[Hergini Coop74]

once again.... :roll:

 

[WakeboardMom]

Wow. I sadly must say that I (somewhat) agree with BB. uke:




This might rub some folks the wrong way... but really ask yourself what is the real reason for marriage? Everything you have in a marriage, I have without one. And we have the TRUST in each other not to need a marriage to know we are committed, not bound by some vow spoken in stary eyed societally induced ceremony but by our daily respect for each other and ourselves. To me at least, I see more value in that than all the baggage that comes with what marriage was, is, and will likely always be, romantically over idealized and nothing that can not be had without.

I apologize, but it seems that in actuality, you don't agree with him. He's saying "marriage," but what he means is "respect, fidelity and committment." You agree with those things; but it sounds like you feel that you don't need the validity of the institution of marriage. Either way, he (Eric/dis/BB) has no concept of how valuable any of those things are.

Matrimony doesn't have to equal baggage. Each person's/couple's conception of what marriage is and how it should work is different. Everyone who has spoken in this thread has a different idea of marriage, but they don't feel someone who is looking in from the outside should be sitting in judgement on the institution.

You may not have a piece of paper or a ceremony, but from your post, it seems that you are as committed as most or more who have put their signature on a marriage license.

BB knows not whereof he speaks. He's a big bag o'wind who's too into himself to know how to really deal with an unselfish relationship. ("Excuse me, I know you're getting ready for work, but I need the mirror to take a picture to post on a forum so posters can see how jacked I am.")

Folks may be starry-eyed in the ceremony, but those of us who stick it out know what's what. We find romance in the most surprising and interesting facets of our lives. : -)

(Would love to have Eric/disembowler/BB respond directly, but he's not really into intelligently debating a subject. He likes to toss out a statement and then run from enlightened conversaion. That's his modus operandi on this and at least one other internet forum.)

 

[riverc0il]

rivercoil, I think you misinterpreted my statement. I certainly believe that for some folks divorce is a reasonable option.

My assertion was to take issue with BB's statement that marriage is not the right thing to do, simply because divorce is imminent. And to back that up I included my "opinion" that there is a high divorce rate these days because many folks throw in the towel much too easily.

There are degrees of everything, nothing is black and white.

Word. I don't think not doing something for fear of a future event is any way to lead a life, either way.

:beer:

 

[severine]

I wouldn't mind if my wife was still alive.

And that's the difference between you--a decent, caring person--and the type of people that BB apparently hangs around with. :sad:

It's not for everyone and it isn't always easy, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth it either.

 

[Brownsville Brooklyn]

And that's the difference between you--a decent, caring person--and the type of people that BB apparently hangs around with. :sad:

It's not for everyone and it isn't always easy, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth it either.

the people i apparently hang with? lol i hang with people that want me to make them laugh lol....

 

[Brownsville Brooklyn]

I apologize, but it seems that in actuality, you don't agree with him. He's saying "marriage," but what he means is "respect, fidelity and committment." You agree with those things; but it sounds like you feel that you don't need the validity of the institution of marriage. Either way, he (Eric/dis/BB) has no concept of how valuable any of those things are.

Matrimony doesn't have to equal baggage. Each person's/couple's conception of what marriage is and how it should work is different. Everyone who has spoken in this thread has a different idea of marriage, but they don't feel someone who is looking in from the outside should be sitting in judgement on the institution.

You may not have a piece of paper or a ceremony, but from your post, it seems that you are as committed as most or more who have put their signature on a marriage license.

BB knows not whereof he speaks. He's a big bag o'wind who's too into himself to know how to really deal with an unselfish relationship. ("Excuse me, I know you're getting ready for work, but I need the mirror to take a picture to post on a forum so posters can see how jacked I am.")

Folks may be starry-eyed in the ceremony, but those of us who stick it out know what's what. We find romance in the most surprising and interesting facets of our lives. : -)

(Would love to have Eric/disembowler/BB respond directly, but he's not really into intelligently debating a subject. He likes to toss out a statement and then run from enlightened conversaion. That's his modus operandi on this and at least one other internet forum.)

marriage aint for most people as weve seen in the last 20 years....rack it!!

 

[marcski]

Wa ----------------------- i think about you also ,what life dealt you is totally unfair . What you guys had was special and frankly in my opinion you have handled this almost unbearable circumstance with dignity and grace . Your children will one dad realize just what a HERO there dad is and just how much you have GIVEN to others during this whole ordeal .

You have my deepest respect

Warp

As you do mine. And, I also think of you and your two beautiful kids. An old friend recently lost his wife after an illness similar to your wife's. They have an 8 y.o. girl. When my two kids are driving me insane and I feel as though I am at my wits end...thinking of you and now my buddy keeps things in perspective.

 

[Brownsville Brooklyn]

Please don't speak on my behalf.

ooppsssss sorry

 

[Brownsville Brooklyn]

the reason for this attitude is nobody wants to endure hard times these days. It either works or they're gone. Pain is not to be tolerated. There WILL be hard times in a marriage.

Eric - where would you have been if your parents had this attitude?

Jeff, what attitude? All I did was post what all these people are telling me. IM just the messenger.

 

[Brownsville Brooklyn]

+ 1. Have to agree on this. We live in an age of instant gratification. Three years ago I walked out on my ex who was having an affair. Thank God we did not get married. Now I am with someone who really has a different outlook on life and relationships.

do u live in SB all yr round? no wonder y ur so mellow....

 

[Brownsville Brooklyn]

MARRIAGE TO THE RIGHT PERSON IS the single most important element in my life .The joy , contentment and fulfillment of one's true potential is often accellerated when one is blessed with a wonderful partner who supports and complements your personality and communication style .

I agree that today too many expect all things to go well all the time and TV has inculcated an unrealistic expectation that 1. Lust =Love , 2. All problems are solved in 59 minutes or less . 3.. Don't stick around to do the work of working things out . and last but not least the god almighty number 4

Lets all be Opera singers 24/7 -------------u know Me Mem Me -- its ALL about Me

xoxouke:

 

[Brownsville Brooklyn]

Sucks getting laid all the time, amirite?

i need variety....i also need sanity:grin::lol:;-):-D

 

[Brownsville Brooklyn]

You have stupid friends.

becuase they got divorced or no brain cells? synapse issues perhaps?:-ouke:

 

[Brownsville Brooklyn]

The lure, sure. The reality, not so much.



I swear. Always having the possibility of morning sex, or shower sex, or afternoon sex, or hey, we're in the basement sex, or no one can see in the back yard sex is nice.

u guys make ur own flicks??:dunce::beer::beer:

 

[Brownsville Brooklyn]

I'll argue that since I think I gots the best girl in the world:grin: Glad to hear others feel the same about their SO. Chicks are getting ready to fly soon so I be looking forward to that empty nest if we can afford to do anything after paying for college.

Alex

Lake Hopatcong, NJ

i went with take care of the parents route....i certainly aint gonna meet anyone else in this world that could be better people....i also dont like responsibility....:beer::beer::smile::smile:

 

[Brownsville Brooklyn]

Wow. I sadly must say that I (somewhat) agree with BB. uke:

Happily unmarried and cohabitating with a long term commitment, here. My SO has my benefits and full inheritance of everything of mine if I pass away, so it ain't just a "convenience" thing. It is EVERYTHING a marriage is without the paper. Every once in a while, the thought crosses my mind that we should just get that piece of paper to make things easier and get some tax breaks. Discussions like this perk me right back up into the happily cohabitating camp.

Let's not confuse being married with the ability to have kids. Marriage is a sanction by the state with a long history of corruption and bad associations. It has thankfully shed most of its history but I see no reason to put it up on a pedestal. Two people can live happily committed their entire lives without spending a down payment on a home for a wedding, changing names, and playing out social mores deeply instilled in the human psyche as necessary for social success and esteem.

People not carrying out their vows of until death do us part are not being lazy, they are coming to their senses. Those that stay married unhappily are the ones doing damage to their families, children, and society. The societal change over to acceptance of divorce is one of the most important social changes in the 20th century behind equality and rights. Sometimes things don't work out in the long run, sometimes people rush into things. How long does it take to "know"? Whatever. Go with what feels right but don't label the 50% of divorcing people as lazy. Just think of all those that never divorce due to fear and domestic violence issues?

This might rub some folks the wrong way... but really ask yourself what is the real reason for marriage? Everything you have in a marriage, I have without one. And we have the TRUST in each other not to need a marriage to know we are committed, not bound by some vow spoken in stary eyed societally induced ceremony but by our daily respect for each other and ourselves. To me at least, I see more value in that than all the baggage that comes with what marriage was, is, and will likely always be, romantically over idealized and nothing that can not be had without.

someone told me i was provocative once....i thought they were saying pro active that acne stuff they sell on tv late at night....

 

[Brownsville Brooklyn]

I agree with most everything you said river, especially your thoughts on divorce.

That said, the day my wife walked down the aisle was and remains the best day of my life. I love her and respect every day, I'm sure in a similar manner as you do with your partner. For some, declaration of that vow in front of ones closes family and friends is something to cherish. I could care less what the gov't thinks.

xoxo thats y ur married....

 

[Brownsville Brooklyn]

best party i've EVER been to was my own reception.

drank the Lord Thompson Manor clear out of alchohol. the woman in charge was speechless. that alone makes every day worth it! :wink:

ur a sweet loving man....i realized that the first time i met u....

 

[campgottagopee]

I think there is something to be said for bringing families together and having a reception. But you can do that without getting married (something I have been considering recently).

Also, I should have mentioned I don't think that folks should not get married and I am not saying you married guys and gals did the wrong thing or anything. I can appreciate it for what others make it out to be without appreciating for any objective reason that can't be done without marriage. Heck, I agreed to be one of the best men at a friend's wedding because it was about him, not about me.

word

 

[Trekchick]

the people i apparently hang with? lol i hang with people that want me to make them laugh lol....

Evidently the people you hang out with didn't complete an English class or encourage spell check, eh?