billski
Active member
Thought it was time for a little levity here. Sorry if this has been run through before. I got a good chuckle out of it.
Expert Skier: Drives to the local resort in the Beemer with the skis on the rack upside down, tips back, ...
Real Skier: Hasn't dug his/her 1976 Ford F150 Pickup out since the last time he got an impound warning for impeding snow removal, walks to the lift, never shows his pass.
Expert Skier: Got a great deal on the latest in ski gear at Sniagrab.
Real Skier: Picked up a used set at a garage sale and found his bindings in the dumpster outside his apartment.
Expert Skier: Goes out to a fine restaurant for dinner apres ski.
Real Skier: Is his waiter.
Expert Skier: His favorite run has a name like Jaws of Death, Outer Limits, White Heat, or some such.
Real Skier: His favorite run has no name.
Expert Skier: Counts the number of days he skied last season.
Real Skier: Counts the number of days he missed all year.
Expert Skier: Wishes the ski season was longer.
Real Skier: Didn't realize skiing was restricted to a particular season, only that sometimes the lifts run and sometimes they don't.
Expert Skier: Calls the avalanche report before hitting the resort.
Real Skier: Calls in his observations to the Avalanche Forecast Center when he gets back from his tour.
Expert Skier: Tells everyone that they should ski his favorite resort.
Real Skier: Tells everyone that they should ski somewhere else.
Expert Skier: Thinks the new lift is great.
Real Skier: Spent all last night loosening the bolts on pole 12 of the new lift.
Expert Skier: Feels confident adjusting his binding.
Real Skier: Feels comfortable mounting his bindings.
Expert Skier: Thinks the female lift attendant is cute.
Real Skier: Blushes when she tells him how much she enjoyed last night.
Expert Skier: Subscribes to Powder Magazine to find out the hot places to ski.
Real Skier: Skims through the ski rags while he's at the sev' buying beer to see how many of his favorite places they've ruined.
Expert Skier: Thinks Vail is the resort of all resorts.
Real Skier: Tells everyone that Vail is the resort of all resorts.
Expert Skier: Buys all his buddies beers at the lodge.
Real Skier: Gets all his beer free cuz he lives with the guy tending bar.
Expert Skier: Gets real pissed off when someone skis over the tops of his skis.
Real Skier: Paints his skis flat black so no one will steal them, worries about the bottoms of his skis... not the tops.
Expert Skier: Calls the resort snow report before heading up.
Real Skier: Carries a hand held scanner so he knows when the patrol is going to open the bowls.
Expert Skier: Thinks off-piste is when you step into the trees to relieve yourself. (Thanx Joe!)
Real Skier: Skis home to pee.
Expert Skier: Thinks the backcountry is a bar.
Real Skier: Chuckles when some touron asks him where he can find the Backcountry.
Expert Skier: Thinks climbing skins are made of brightly colored Lycra(tm).
Real Skier: Knows how to reglue them.
Expert Skier: Thinks snowboarders are pretty damn funny.
Real Skier: Thinks snowboarders are pretty damn funny.
Expert Skier: Has a fancy ski rack on his car.
Real Skier: Has a fancy ski rack by the front door.
Expert Skier: Sharpens his edges once a week.
Real Skier: Sharpens his edges when he flies home to visit his parents for Christmas in Vermont.
Expert Skier: Knows all about snow making....
Real Skier: Worked on the snowmaking crew for three years.
Expert Skier: Calls a 1-900 number to get the latest weather report.
Real Skier: Steps outside and looks up...
Expert Skier: Has a Grateful Dead sticker on his BMW.
Real Skier: Lives with four dead-heads in a one bedroom apartment.
Expert Skier: Has a gagloop of ski passes hanging all over his jacket from places like Breckenridge and Vail and Aspen and .....
Real Skier: Forgot his season pass at home... but it doesn't really matter.
Expert Skier: Narrowly avoided injury in his last fall cuz his skis came off.
Real Skier: Narrowly avoided injury in his last fall cuz his skis stayed on.
Expert Skier: Wears GoreTex(tm).
Real Skier: Wears duct tape.
Expert Skier: Thinks high speed quads are a type of ski lift.
Real Skier: Thinks high speed quads are the leg muscles of the guy breaking trail. (Again.. Thanx Joe)
Expert Skier: Gets all excited cuz it snowed 12 inches, gets up early so he can beat the crowds.
Real Skier: Sleeps in til noon since it only snowed a foot overnight.
Expert Skier: Drives to the local resort in the Beemer with the skis on the rack upside down, tips back, ...
Real Skier: Hasn't dug his/her 1976 Ford F150 Pickup out since the last time he got an impound warning for impeding snow removal, walks to the lift, never shows his pass.
Expert Skier: Got a great deal on the latest in ski gear at Sniagrab.
Real Skier: Picked up a used set at a garage sale and found his bindings in the dumpster outside his apartment.
Expert Skier: Goes out to a fine restaurant for dinner apres ski.
Real Skier: Is his waiter.
Expert Skier: His favorite run has a name like Jaws of Death, Outer Limits, White Heat, or some such.
Real Skier: His favorite run has no name.
Expert Skier: Counts the number of days he skied last season.
Real Skier: Counts the number of days he missed all year.
Expert Skier: Wishes the ski season was longer.
Real Skier: Didn't realize skiing was restricted to a particular season, only that sometimes the lifts run and sometimes they don't.
Expert Skier: Calls the avalanche report before hitting the resort.
Real Skier: Calls in his observations to the Avalanche Forecast Center when he gets back from his tour.
Expert Skier: Tells everyone that they should ski his favorite resort.
Real Skier: Tells everyone that they should ski somewhere else.
Expert Skier: Thinks the new lift is great.
Real Skier: Spent all last night loosening the bolts on pole 12 of the new lift.
Expert Skier: Feels confident adjusting his binding.
Real Skier: Feels comfortable mounting his bindings.
Expert Skier: Thinks the female lift attendant is cute.
Real Skier: Blushes when she tells him how much she enjoyed last night.
Expert Skier: Subscribes to Powder Magazine to find out the hot places to ski.
Real Skier: Skims through the ski rags while he's at the sev' buying beer to see how many of his favorite places they've ruined.
Expert Skier: Thinks Vail is the resort of all resorts.
Real Skier: Tells everyone that Vail is the resort of all resorts.
Expert Skier: Buys all his buddies beers at the lodge.
Real Skier: Gets all his beer free cuz he lives with the guy tending bar.
Expert Skier: Gets real pissed off when someone skis over the tops of his skis.
Real Skier: Paints his skis flat black so no one will steal them, worries about the bottoms of his skis... not the tops.
Expert Skier: Calls the resort snow report before heading up.
Real Skier: Carries a hand held scanner so he knows when the patrol is going to open the bowls.
Expert Skier: Thinks off-piste is when you step into the trees to relieve yourself. (Thanx Joe!)
Real Skier: Skis home to pee.
Expert Skier: Thinks the backcountry is a bar.
Real Skier: Chuckles when some touron asks him where he can find the Backcountry.
Expert Skier: Thinks climbing skins are made of brightly colored Lycra(tm).
Real Skier: Knows how to reglue them.
Expert Skier: Thinks snowboarders are pretty damn funny.
Real Skier: Thinks snowboarders are pretty damn funny.
Expert Skier: Has a fancy ski rack on his car.
Real Skier: Has a fancy ski rack by the front door.
Expert Skier: Sharpens his edges once a week.
Real Skier: Sharpens his edges when he flies home to visit his parents for Christmas in Vermont.
Expert Skier: Knows all about snow making....
Real Skier: Worked on the snowmaking crew for three years.
Expert Skier: Calls a 1-900 number to get the latest weather report.
Real Skier: Steps outside and looks up...
Expert Skier: Has a Grateful Dead sticker on his BMW.
Real Skier: Lives with four dead-heads in a one bedroom apartment.
Expert Skier: Has a gagloop of ski passes hanging all over his jacket from places like Breckenridge and Vail and Aspen and .....
Real Skier: Forgot his season pass at home... but it doesn't really matter.
Expert Skier: Narrowly avoided injury in his last fall cuz his skis came off.
Real Skier: Narrowly avoided injury in his last fall cuz his skis stayed on.
Expert Skier: Wears GoreTex(tm).
Real Skier: Wears duct tape.
Expert Skier: Thinks high speed quads are a type of ski lift.
Real Skier: Thinks high speed quads are the leg muscles of the guy breaking trail. (Again.. Thanx Joe)
Expert Skier: Gets all excited cuz it snowed 12 inches, gets up early so he can beat the crowds.
Real Skier: Sleeps in til noon since it only snowed a foot overnight.