ASC Announcements: Killington to Offer 365-day Skiing, Weather Service Acquisition

[billski]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Skiing, Weather Service Acquisition
American Ski Company (ASC)
April 1, 2005
DAssociated Press

American Ski Company (ASC) announced today that beginning April 1st, 2005 Killington will be the first resort to provide snow skiing 365 days a year.

Bode Miller, newly-announced Ski-Wee Program Director noted, "This will provide the perfect summer daycare opportunity for workaholic parents who really cannot devote quality time to their children." He went on to add, "With the expansion of our educational programs, children will be well prepared for professional competition by age 10."

In a related matter, ASC announced the acquisition of the National Weather Service(NWS), a branch of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Agency (NOAA). Les Otten, Chief Acquisitor noted "The merger of NWS with ASC will provide a unique opportunity to enhance skier experience. For the first time, we will be able to coordinate our activities."

It has been previously reported that Otten is in merger discussions with AMTRAK. Otten is known to be interested in their large fleet of refrigerated boxcars.

FOR FURTHER INFORMATION CONTACT
R.U.Laffing 800-GO-SNOW

 

[loafer89]

Bode Miller - director of Ski Wee - Hilarious

 

[ChileMass]

You forgot to note that this morning Killington also formally seceded from Vermont but did not, as expected, become part of New Hampshire. Instead, Les Otten declared himself emporer and Killington a sovereign nation of its own. The new national currency (worthless, of course) will bear the new emporer's likeness and is pegged on par with ASC stock certificates........ :roll:

 

[billski]

sovereign nation

What news! What opportunity! As a sovereign nation, they are now entitled to establish its own border checkpoints, customs, tarriffs and taxation. Imagine that, collecting tax on your own lift ticket. Good way to keep the ticket prices low (kind of like ebay shipping charges or tax on gasoline.) Taxation without representation. Nice move!

The sky's the limit, Les!

 

[bvibert]

You forgot to note that this morning Killington also formally seceded from Vermont but did not, as expected, become part of New Hampshire. Instead, Les Otten declared himself emporer and Killington a sovereign nation of its own. The new national currency (worthless, of course) will bear the new emporer's likeness and is pegged on par with ASC stock certificates........ :roll:

:lol: :beer:

 

[ski_resort_observer]

It was also announced that Lesottenville, formally Killington, formally Sherburne, seeks to borrow 800 million dollars, in order to purchase and annex the neighboring town of Bridgewater. " That General Store down there has the best doughnuts...gotta have them", advised Mr Otten.

When asked if taking on so much debt will result in a nonmanageble debt load, Mr. Otten replied " Heck no, I have experience in this sort of thing... not a problem".

He also advised that he has future plans to get additional loans to buy a couple of more towns...maybe one or two out west. Someone suggested Rutland to which Mr. Otten asked, "Is that in Utah or Colorado?".

It was also reported that Mr. Otten was overheard whispering to an advisor, "if this doesn't work perhaps I can buy AlpineZone.com...they have been a thorn in my butt for years plus the members there are the most intelligent and good looking bunch there is on the net".

 

[Vortex]

A nation of ONY. :wink: Sorry all in fun. Just playing along and flaming. Abuse expected.

 

[loafer89]

I have saved a Boston globe Magazine with Les Otten on the cover with the headline:

Les Otten Prince Of Snow

So far I have resisted the urge to use it to start my fireplace.

Keep the humor comming, spring is too depressing without it.

 

[ctenidae]

My contacts report that Les has been in secret talks with members of the Bush Administration, possibly in an attempt to pull some talent. He needs to bolster his depth in the fields of deficit spending and misdirection. Colin Powell has been seen pounding his head against the wall and punching himself in the jimmy.

 

[ChileMass]

It was also reported that Mr. Otten was overheard whispering to an advisor, "if this doesn't work perhaps I can buy AlpineZone.com...they have been a thorn in my butt for years plus the members there are the most intelligent and good looking bunch there is on the net".

I couldn't have said it better myself......

 

[billski]

Fighter Pilot

Keep the humor comming, spring is too depressing without it.

If it gets too rainy, get out to an IMAX theater and watch "Fighter Pilot". I saw it at the Air & Space Museum a few weeks ago. Excellent. Almost as good as skiing. http://www.fighterpilotfilm.com/