Skier Type Brainstorm Thread

[eastcoastpowderhound]

Mr Country Club he's the guy on the brand new tigershark 12' powerswitch skis, Kjus, Bogner or Killy outfit...parks his AWD Mercedes/BMW/Audi black or silver sedan in preferred parking, struts into the private locker room in the lodge where he struggles to get into his Strolz boots. 90% of the time he'll never make it past the intermediate plateau despite shelling out thousands on lessons with his only friend at the mtn, the Pro-it-all. Mr Country Club will flounder on a powder day and will be the one complaining about the visability or the snow being too heavy...if he even shows up.

 

[highpeaksdrifter]

Charger – skis every run (not most, every run) hard and fast.

The Specialist – skis bumps or powder or trees, etc. on every run they take if conditions give them that option.

Fun Day Out – gets there whenever, takes a couple runs, takes a break, ski, lunch, some more runs, break, one more, bar, it’s all good, glad to be there.

The Conservative - Finds one or two runs that have good conditions and rips them all day.[/quote]

The Flowmister: one who goes where ever the flow takes him. never takes the same line twice. gravity is his/her friend.

Family Guy - no not Peter Griffen, dude who pulls up in a mini-van or big old SUV wih wife and a bunch of little kids in tow, See Tribute to Christmas vacation Dad thread.

Racer-dude: Has all Spyder, Karbon, or Phenix clothing, race stock skis and only skis the groomers really fast. Travels all over on the weekends for masters races.

The Barbie/Ken Doll.- all decked out, best gear, best clothes but cant ski to save their life.

Split-Personality - All-Terrain: Moderate-Speed Powder: Charger

the jibronsky the wannabe-tag-along found in nearly every gang of park rats...the extra wide, unstable stance but he points them at the booters...and looks like a cat being thrown out of a window but you've gotta give him some credit...he's throwing caution to the wind and going for it...to the delight and dismay of the rest of us.

Gaper - Talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk...on new 1998 Parabolic Elan SCXs..100 dollar graphite poles...and a one piece ski suit with a fanny pack to the side..JEA!!!

the Pro-it all the guy or gal who takes being a ski instructor waaaaaay to seriously. Always critiquing every turn, always talking shop...usually has perfect hair. Typically a golf or tennis pro in the summer time. Even the other ski instructors can't wait to get away from this self proclaimed uberPro...the rest of the instructors dread the thought of being the only other person in the locker room with the Pro-it all.

The Barstool Starter Jacket with a pro sports team logo. Flask of Jägermeister. Rental equipment. Shows up at 10:00 hung over. Skis 3 or 4 runs in the gorilla stance at high speed on flat terrain. Off to the bar. Back out on the hill for a few more runs before happy hour.

The Vagabond - Never takes the same run twice. Always looking for something different. While riding the lift, always scoping out a new line or place to explore. Looks at the areas in between trails on the lift map to ski. When skiing marked trails, only found on the sides of the trail where all the pushed-off snow ends up.

Dirtbag Ripper usually on trashed, older equipment...like a late 90's Rossi Viper Z, clothing looks like it came from the second hand store, goggles are in rough shape, doesn't own a helmet, mismatched poles, overall scruffy appearance, but is a helluva skier...typically the dirtbag ripper is a tree or bump specialist...he's secretly admired by many of the other archetypes for his ability. Drives a rusty old Suby or small pickup...often a Toyota

Trustafarian mostly seen in western resorts...no aparrent source of income or a lifestyle that is impossible to afford on a $10/hr ski town job. Drives a newer SUV, has a sweet pad, all the toys, but shares grooming tips with the Dirtbag Ripper.

The Sick Chic...one of the most rare and hard to find of the skier types, virtually extinct in some areas. She skis better than 99% of the guys, she's 100% charger...sometimes she's a racer or former racer, a bumper, or a tele skier...hot or not so hot, doesn't matter, most guys would give their left nut to hang with her.

The Teleban members of this fundamentalist group of tele skiers are so militant they won't allow alpiners or boarders to ski with them. They all have "Randonee, french for can't tele" or "free your heels, free your mind" bumper stickers on their VW bus, pay no attention to trail closures, never enter the lodge...the den of the infidels, and other than casual associations with the Chargers and Dirtbag Rippers, they won't acknowledge or associate with anyone else on the hill. They always have good weed and will only smoke from glass...even on the hill.

Fair Weather Guy – he skis about 10 days a year, mostly after a big snow fall, or beautiful sunny day. He gets new gear every 7 to 10 years. He’d like to ski more, but lets life get in his way. The ski industry has a huge stake in this dude and markets right at him.

The Old Hare she' s a former snowbunny waaaay past her prime...but she's still as dolled up as she was 30 years ago, wearing enough bling to attend a mob wedding, dressed to the 9's...face is overly tanned and resembling leather. Everything matches....she typically doesn't wear a hat (just had her hair done at the salon on Thu) and when you see her from behind in the liftline you're thinking...mmm, yummy mommy? Then she turns around...ahhh, she's not yummy, she looks like a mummy!

The Mayor of the Mountain He's been at the hill for decades, knows everyone and has an opinion about everything. He'll talk your ear off in the lodge and skiing with him is part outdoor activity, part social gathering. He holds court in the lodge at apres, moves to the parking lot for spring tailgating.

Lodge Mom - Used to ski...before kids. Now she's stuck holding down the fort while the kids (and probably dad, too) are out having their fun on the hill. You may find her knitting, clicking away on a laptop, or reading a book surrounded by a large amount of bags, shoes, and general paraphernalia for her family.

The Line King.- no matter how crowded, no matter what may be in his way, this bumper is gonna hit the zipper. babies could be laying in the line but nothing will cause him to sway from his mission. Insults and vulgarities spew freely from his mouth. And for gods sake, dont try to strike up a conversation with him as he surveys his domain. You simply are not worthy of his time.

The Techno Freak - the dude who over analyzes every move. We all know someone like this. You're just out cruising around and get on the lift when BAM, the advice just starts pouring out about technique, gear, clothing choices. Get your hands 2.3 millimeters higher. lean on your inside ski while rolling your outside pinky toe to 35%. You need 1/1000 of a degree more bevel on your edges. on and on and usually unsolicited.

Mr Country Club he's the guy on the brand new tigershark 12' powerswitch skis, Kjus, Bogner or Killy outfit...parks his AWD Mercedes/BMW/Audi black or silver sedan in preferred parking, struts into the private locker room in the lodge where he struggles to get into his Strolz boots. 90% of the time he'll never make it past the intermediate plateau despite shelling out thousands on lessons with his only friend at the mtn, the Pro-it-all. Mr Country Club will flounder on a powder day and will be the one complaining about the visability or the snow being too heavy...if he even shows up.

Collects Tickets On Jacket Guy- I almost forgot about this guy and he deserves a mention. Thanks GSS. This guy doesn’t cut off his lift tickets and lets them accumulate on his jacket like someone is going to be impressed that he skied all those times. This guy might cut off his Eastern tickets, but would rather cut off an arm then cut off a ticket from a Western mountain.

Lives Vicariously Through His Kid Guy – this guy has a kid on your local mountain’s race team or bump team and all he does is bore everybody by telling them about his kids accomplishments, whether you know his kid or not. We are all proud of our kids, but dude doesn’t know when or how to stop. When our eyes glaze over he just keeps charging forward cause he doesn’t get what he’s doing.

The Crusty Patroller heavily bearded, randonne boots in alpine bindings...well worn work gloves to match the well worn face. Don't ever buy used equipment from this guy...especially boots!

[B]THAT guy [/B]the guy who's totally dialed into the ski/board scene...shows up in Jan with equipment that won't be avail in stores until NEXT year, always has the right goggles for the conditions, poles with powder baskets on the deep days, knows the mountain inside and out, can ski any run in any condition...and makes it look easy. On a first name basis with the Mayor, the Charger, and the Dirtbag Ripper...even gets the head nod from the Teleban in the liftline

The Liftie - Alternates between chair grabbing and hanging out in the shack during the day, always in the bar afterwards, but not the bar in the base lodge. He'll go to the cheapest, seediest bar that he can find down the road with a pack of other lifties, dirtbag rippers and Teleban members. May be missing one or more fingers from hunting/buzzsaw accident.

Race Dad: - Wannabe "Racer Dude" only started purchasing new high end equipment after his kids started getting really into racing. Always asking "Racer Dude" what his NASTAR Time was that day. May or may not have one of those Big Black coats that looks like a blanket that he wears while watching his kid race. Has stupid stories about his kids' races, gatekeeping, and gatekeeping at his kids' races that nobody cares about. May or may not be involved in a loveless marriage with the "Lodge Mom"

The Homeland Defense Guy - the dude who defends his home hill to the end. he could be outmanned, outgunned and overrun with facts but damned if his ski hill isnt the best one god created.

Woodsy the Troll - cut out his own tongue so he'd never accidentally spill the beans on his super secret stash...covers his tracks each time he enters the woods so no one can follow him, lays down false trails and booby traps just in case. Only Dirtbag Ripper has ever seen the stash...but he was so high and Woody's route so confusing that he'll never find it on his own.

 

[eastcoastpowderhound]

The Crusty Patroller heavily bearded, randonne boots in alpine bindings...well worn work gloves to match the well worn face. Don't ever buy used equipment from this guy...especially boots!

 

[eastcoastpowderhound]

The Line King.

no matter how crowded, no matter what may be in his way, this bumper is gonna hit the zipper. babies could be laying in the line but nothing will cause him to sway from his mission. Insults and vulgarities spew freely from his mouth. And for gods sake, dont try to strike up a conversation with him as he surveys his domain. You simply are not worthy of his time.

yeah, the bumper version of the surf nazi!

 

[mattchuck2]

The Teleban members of this fundamentalist group of tele skiers are so militant they won't allow alpiners or boarders to ski with them. They all have "Randonee, french for can't tele" or "free your heels, free your mind" bumper stickers on their VW bus, pay no attention to trail closures, never enter the lodge...the den of the infidels, and other than casual associations with the Chargers and Dirtbag Rippers, they won't acknowledge or associate with anyone else on the hill. They always have good weed and will only smoke from glass...even on the hill.

Haha, NICE. . . I'm between a Charger and a Teleban . . .

But Someday I'll be a Mayor of the Mountain.

 

[eastcoastpowderhound]

THAT guy the guy who's totally dialed into the ski/board scene...shows up in Jan with equipment that won't be avail in stores until NEXT year, always has the right goggles for the conditions, poles with powder baskets on the deep days, knows the mountain inside and out, can ski any run in any condition...and makes it look easy. On a first name basis with the Mayor, the Charger, and the Dirtbag Ripper...even gets the head nod from the Teleban in the liftline

 

[mattchuck2]

If we're including people who don't ski ("Lodge Mom") I got one

The Liftie

Alternates between chair grabbing and hanging out in the shack during the day, always in the bar afterwards, but not the bar in the base lodge. He'll go to the cheapest, seediest bar that he can find down the road with a pack of other lifties, dirtbag rippers and Teleban members. May be missing one or more fingers from hunting/buzzsaw accident.

 

[mattchuck2]

THAT guy the guy who's totally dialed into the ski/board scene...shows up in Jan with equipment that won't be avail in stores until NEXT year, always has the right goggles for the conditions, poles with powder baskets on the deep days, knows the mountain inside and out, can ski any run in any condition...and makes it look easy. On a first name basis with the Mayor, the Charger, and the Dirtbag Ripper...even gets the head nod from the Teleban in the liftline

Haha . . . I know THAT guy

Race Dad:

Wannabe "Racer Dude" only started purchasing new high end equipment after his kids started getting really into racing. Always asking "Racer Dude" what his NASTAR Time was that day. May or may not have one of those Big Black coats that looks like a blanket that he wears while watching his kid race. Has stupid stories about his kids' races, gatekeeping, and gatekeeping at his kids' races that nobody cares about. May or may not be involved in a loveless marriage with the "Lodge Mom"

 

[mattchuck2]

Crap . . Didn't notice "Live vicariously through his kids guy" . . . sorry

 

[eastcoastpowderhound]

Crap . . Didn't notice "Live vicariously through his kids guy" . . . sorry

I think RacerDad sounds better...easier to say and fits in better with "Soccer Mom" and your description is right on. HPD, can we get an edit or a combined type?

 

[highpeaksdrifter]

Haha . . . I know THAT guy

Race Dad:

Wannabe "Racer Dude" only started purchasing new high end equipment after his kids started getting really into racing. Always asking "Racer Dude" what his NASTAR Time was that day. May or may not have one of those Big Black coats that looks like a blanket that he wears while watching his kid race. Has stupid stories about his kids' races, gatekeeping, and gatekeeping at his kids' races that nobody cares about. May or may not be involved in a loveless marriage with the "Lodge Mom"

Crap . . Didn't notice "Live vicariously through his kids guy" . . . sorry

Doesn't matter if it's similar, it makes the list because the last sentence is the funniest line I've read all day.:lol:

BTW - I'm editing all new ones into post 62 cause I have to rebold the whole list every time I copy it.

Final list goes out tomorrow morning and then will see if we can have some fun with it.

 

[severine]

If we're including people who don't ski ("Lodge Mom") I got one

The Liftie

Alternates between chair grabbing and hanging out in the shack during the day, always in the bar afterwards, but not the bar in the base lodge. He'll go to the cheapest, seediest bar that he can find down the road with a pack of other lifties, dirtbag rippers and Teleban members. May be missing one or more fingers from hunting/buzzsaw accident.

Eh.... none of the lifties where I worked fit that description. Well, maybe 1 or 2. I certainly didn't (though I guess I technically wasn't a liftie....)

And Lodge Mom used to ski.

 

[2knees]

The Homeland Defense Guy

the dude who defends his home hill to the end. he could be outmanned, outgunned and overrun with facts but damned if his ski hill isnt the best one god created.

 

[eastcoastpowderhound]

Doesn't matter if it's similar, it makes the list because the last sentence is the funniest line I've read all day.:lol:

I nearly sprayed my water all over my keyboard on that one.

 

[highpeaksdrifter]

The Homeland Defense Guy

the dude who defends his home hill to the end. he could be outmanned, outgunned and overrun with facts but damned if his ski hill isnt the best one god created.

Really....I never heard of this guy.;-)

 

[highpeaksdrifter]

I think RacerDad sounds better...easier to say and fits in better with "Soccer Mom" and your description is right on. HPD, can we get an edit or a combined type?

They're both in. Unless we publish this I think we are ok.;-)

 

[eastcoastpowderhound]

Really....I never heard of this guy.;-)

Woodsy the Troll cut out his own tongue so he'd never accidentally spill the beans on his super secret stash...covers his tracks each time he enters the woods so no one can follow him, lays down false trails and booby traps just in case. Only Dirtbag Ripper has ever seen the stash...but he was so high and Woody's route so confusing that he'll never find it on his own.
Okay, took that one too far, doesn't belong on the list...all the rest are people we can name or spot...I got caught up in the euphoria of QUITTING TIME! Hasta manana,