Favorite Simpsons Lines

[Mildcat]

I couldn't remember this one verbatim so I had to Google it.

Homer: So you think you know better than this family, eh? Well as long as you're in my house you'll do what I do and believe what I believe! So butter your bacon!
Bart: Yes father.
Homer: ... Bacon up that sausage, boy!
Bart: But dad, my heart hurts!

 

[Mildcat]

My friends and I named our band "The Christ Punchers" because of the Simpsons. We thought we would be the only ones but there were a few others that had the same idea.

Homer Simpson: The first meeting of Hell's Satans is called to order.
Ned Flanders: I move to reconsider our club name. Make it something a little less blasphemous. After all
[chuckles]
Ned Flanders: , we don't wanna *go* to hell.
Lenny: How 'bout The Devil's Pals.
Ned Flanders: [nervously chuckles] Nuh-no... see...
Moe Szyslak: How about the Christ punchers?
Ned Flanders: The Chri...! I-I don't think you understand my objections.
Homer Simpson: I'm the president and the decision is mine. We're Hell's Satans. Besides, I already made our club jackets.
[Homer hold up a jacket with Hell's Satans imprinted on the back]
Lenny: Ooo, machine wash warm.
Carl: Tumble dry... Oooh lah lah.

 

[thaller1]

Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.

 

[Trekchick]

homer:
Sweeeeeet, (drool) mmmmmmmm sweeeet

Bart:
Eat my shorts
Bart again:
No one saw me do it so you can't prove I did it.


Apu: You can not hurt a twinkie.

 

[Paul]

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

 

[Trekchick]

Bart: Am I the only one in horrible pain?
Homer: You're the only one who won't shut up about it.

 

[drjeff]

Mr Burns and Homer are playing golf

Burns: "Simpson, give me an open faced club, ......a sand wedge"

Homer: "Mmmmmm, open faced club sandwich"

 

[cbcbd]

Homer: Welcome to the internet my friend. How can I help you.

Comic book store guy: I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kbps internet connection to a 1.5 Mbps fiber-optic T-1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that's compatible with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?




Homer: Can I have some money now?

 

[WoodCore]

Waiter: We do have this steak, it's the size of a boogie board...

Homer: Ooh! I'll take that one

Waiter: And to drink Sir.....

Homer: Meatballs!

:grin:

 

[ERJ-145CA]

Homer: "I'm not gonna lie to you Marge." (runs out the door).


This one is my signature on the forum for my job:

Kirk Van Houten (after his divorce): "I sleep in a racing car, do you?"
Homer: "I sleep in a big bed with my wife."


After Homer crashes his car:

Auto insurance agent: "So this place Moe's you were at, is it a business of some sort?"
Homer (thinking): 'Don't tell him you were at a bar. Well what else is open at night?'
Homer (aloud): "It's a pornography store, I was buying pornography."
Homer (thinking): 'Ha ha ha, I woulda never thought of that.'


Vendor: "All we have is Mountain Dew or crab juice"
Homer: "Eww, I'll take a crab juice"

 

[Philpug]

Vendor: "All we have is Mountain Dew or crab juice"
Homer: "Eww, I'll take a crab juice"

LOL

Rev. Lovejoy: Today's hymn will be "In a garden of Eden" by I.Ron Butterfly

(26:30 later...)

 

[ERJ-145CA]

Lisa: "Who's watching TV at 3:17AM?"
Homer: "Alcoholics, the unemployable, angry loners."


Bart: "Craptacular"

 

[MichaelJ]

"Can't talk. Coming down."