LVNLARG
New member
An insiders guide of how to survive a night at almost any nightclub for idiots
1. Don't drink to the point of throwing up in the club.
To do so will result in negative result A. Being asked to leave. B. Not being able to pick up due to having barf breath C. A combination of A and B.
2. If asked or told to do something like MOVE by security...DO IT IMMEDIATELY. They're generally not power tripping on you...they're telling you to protect you.
To not do so will result in negative result A. A punch in the face by whatever misfit security might be about to drag thru right where you're standing. B. Security becoming pissed off with you and asking you to leave C. Being trampled to death on the stairway you're sitting on by a forthcoming stampede. D. A combination of A, B and C.
3. If some guy or girl tries to start something with you (Believe it or not... there are people who go out just looking for random fight targets for sheer pleasure or illicit gain) WALK AWAY and tell security (even if you could kick the guy or girls ass). This could also result in a much better result for you if something does happen leading to section 4.
To not do so will result in negative result A. Your death at this persons or his friends hand...for instance.. stabbing you in the neck with a broken bear bottle from behind while you thought you were "winning". B.Getting rolled (your wallet stolen out your back pocket by the trouble causers accomplice) while he or she was "starting with you". C. Getting drug out of the club by security and deposited on the sidewalk only to have to deal with A and B in an even less secure environment.
Doing so will result in positive result A. Security kicking the person troubling you out (as they likely have already noticed him anyway and just needed a reason to give him the heave ho) resulting in a major
for you. B. A greatly increased chance of a positive outcome for you in section 4.
4. If someone starts swinging at you and you have no choice...by all means..defend yourself...BUT....When grabbed from behind by someone identifying themselves as Security...chill the heck out and DO NOT RESIST and allow yourself to be directed in the direction the security person wants you to go. Unfortunately you stand a 99% chance of being kicked out as most clubs have a policy of throwing both combatants out no matter what occurred... but if you had a chance to put section 3 into action you stand a good chance of being the other 1%.
To not do so will result in negative result A. You wresting with someone that has infinitely more wrestling experience than you resulting in you ultimately causing yourself injury. B. A 100% chance of being kicked out and barred from what might be your favorite watering hole. C. A significantly hampered ability to pick up due to having no where to go. D. A combination of A, B and C
To do so will result in positive result A. Maybe getting to stay. B. Not being injured. C. Whatever hold security has on you lessening instead of tightening as a show of appreciation for your compliance on your journey to the exit. D. Not getting barred. E. Security having actual respect for you should a future event occur.
5. If you're hitting on a girl/guy who you suddenly find out has a BF/GF by him or her identifying themselves or any other similar awkward situation you should APOLOGIZE. The incorrect response is to reply "Go **** yourself".
To use the incorrect response will result in negative result A. A fight... and section 4 playing itself out B.Your death or injury C.Getting barred D. You definitely NOT picking up the person you were trying to pick up or anyone else for that matter. E Any combination of A,B,C and D.
6. When asked to leave the club by security for "having too much to drink" they're not doing so to be assholes...they're doing so because you're visibly drunk and stand a chance of bumping into the wrong person and getting your ass kicked for doing so....or getting rolled because you don't know which way is up...or dying from alcohol poisoning...or...well.the list goes on..the point is...it's for your own good.
The correct response to this request is "Yes sir, I'm sorry...I will leave now" or even "May I please just finish the last of my drink and leave immediately thereafter" or even "Could you please locate "so and so" for me so that they know where I am or so that they can get me home safely". Most bouncers will do all of the above and then some for you if you're being polite and/or even see you all the way to a cab and/or even pay for said cab if you don't have enough money left on the clubs tab. If they do not....well..you're just not in the right club. To discover at this juncture you're not in "the right club" your response should not be :argue: about your state of drunkenness or to name call the staff. Simply comply and leave as if they have the wrong attitude...things will surely only get worse for you. Big deal..don't grace them with your presence or money again because they've shown you their true colors. This is why some clubs do really well for decades and some close up in 6 months. If you like the club and think it's just the person you're dealing with that treated you unfairly...go back the next day sober and speak with management about your experience. Any manager worth his salt will listen intently knowing you've taken the time to come back to tell them about something you think is wrong....and act upon your complaint.
In short...this list could go on forever but those are the most commen problem occurrences in a club. People at nightclubs get treated by how they treat others just the same as with anything else in life. Act stupid...get treated like you've acted and suffer the consequences. Act civil and polite with everyone and you could find yourself on the VIP list. :beer:
1. Don't drink to the point of throwing up in the club.
To do so will result in negative result A. Being asked to leave. B. Not being able to pick up due to having barf breath C. A combination of A and B.
2. If asked or told to do something like MOVE by security...DO IT IMMEDIATELY. They're generally not power tripping on you...they're telling you to protect you.
To not do so will result in negative result A. A punch in the face by whatever misfit security might be about to drag thru right where you're standing. B. Security becoming pissed off with you and asking you to leave C. Being trampled to death on the stairway you're sitting on by a forthcoming stampede. D. A combination of A, B and C.
3. If some guy or girl tries to start something with you (Believe it or not... there are people who go out just looking for random fight targets for sheer pleasure or illicit gain) WALK AWAY and tell security (even if you could kick the guy or girls ass). This could also result in a much better result for you if something does happen leading to section 4.
To not do so will result in negative result A. Your death at this persons or his friends hand...for instance.. stabbing you in the neck with a broken bear bottle from behind while you thought you were "winning". B.Getting rolled (your wallet stolen out your back pocket by the trouble causers accomplice) while he or she was "starting with you". C. Getting drug out of the club by security and deposited on the sidewalk only to have to deal with A and B in an even less secure environment.
Doing so will result in positive result A. Security kicking the person troubling you out (as they likely have already noticed him anyway and just needed a reason to give him the heave ho) resulting in a major
for you. B. A greatly increased chance of a positive outcome for you in section 4.4. If someone starts swinging at you and you have no choice...by all means..defend yourself...BUT....When grabbed from behind by someone identifying themselves as Security...chill the heck out and DO NOT RESIST and allow yourself to be directed in the direction the security person wants you to go. Unfortunately you stand a 99% chance of being kicked out as most clubs have a policy of throwing both combatants out no matter what occurred... but if you had a chance to put section 3 into action you stand a good chance of being the other 1%.
To not do so will result in negative result A. You wresting with someone that has infinitely more wrestling experience than you resulting in you ultimately causing yourself injury. B. A 100% chance of being kicked out and barred from what might be your favorite watering hole. C. A significantly hampered ability to pick up due to having no where to go. D. A combination of A, B and C
To do so will result in positive result A. Maybe getting to stay. B. Not being injured. C. Whatever hold security has on you lessening instead of tightening as a show of appreciation for your compliance on your journey to the exit. D. Not getting barred. E. Security having actual respect for you should a future event occur.
5. If you're hitting on a girl/guy who you suddenly find out has a BF/GF by him or her identifying themselves or any other similar awkward situation you should APOLOGIZE. The incorrect response is to reply "Go **** yourself".
To use the incorrect response will result in negative result A. A fight... and section 4 playing itself out B.Your death or injury C.Getting barred D. You definitely NOT picking up the person you were trying to pick up or anyone else for that matter. E Any combination of A,B,C and D.
6. When asked to leave the club by security for "having too much to drink" they're not doing so to be assholes...they're doing so because you're visibly drunk and stand a chance of bumping into the wrong person and getting your ass kicked for doing so....or getting rolled because you don't know which way is up...or dying from alcohol poisoning...or...well.the list goes on..the point is...it's for your own good.
The correct response to this request is "Yes sir, I'm sorry...I will leave now" or even "May I please just finish the last of my drink and leave immediately thereafter" or even "Could you please locate "so and so" for me so that they know where I am or so that they can get me home safely". Most bouncers will do all of the above and then some for you if you're being polite and/or even see you all the way to a cab and/or even pay for said cab if you don't have enough money left on the clubs tab. If they do not....well..you're just not in the right club. To discover at this juncture you're not in "the right club" your response should not be :argue: about your state of drunkenness or to name call the staff. Simply comply and leave as if they have the wrong attitude...things will surely only get worse for you. Big deal..don't grace them with your presence or money again because they've shown you their true colors. This is why some clubs do really well for decades and some close up in 6 months. If you like the club and think it's just the person you're dealing with that treated you unfairly...go back the next day sober and speak with management about your experience. Any manager worth his salt will listen intently knowing you've taken the time to come back to tell them about something you think is wrong....and act upon your complaint.
In short...this list could go on forever but those are the most commen problem occurrences in a club. People at nightclubs get treated by how they treat others just the same as with anything else in life. Act stupid...get treated like you've acted and suffer the consequences. Act civil and polite with everyone and you could find yourself on the VIP list. :beer:
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