Scared Of Skiing

[andyzee]

Cross post between here and Killingtonzone.

As many of you l know, Thanksgiving of 2007 my wife broke her ankle in a freak skiing accident (she was barely moving). This season is her comeback and it's been getting very frustrating. She wants to ski, but now has this fear. It's understandable considering what happened, but instead of moving forward, with each ski trip she seems to be moving backword. I've been doing whatever I can to help out, skiing mostly green and blue runs. The worst thing is, at times I'm scared she may harm herself with her actions. She has just frozen up and stopped in the worst places, i.e. on the side side of a whale, around a curve, etc. Lately condtions have not been the best, so maybe that has something to do with it, may be helpful if we get some nice fresh pow, but ain't here now.. Any advise?

 

[SkiDork]

Andy, how is she on the green and blue groomers? Is she still fearful there? Or is is just when she gets into steeper pitch/ gnarlier stuff?

 

[Marc]

Mental roadblocks are often the hardest to overcome and usually come with strong physical manifestations.

I'm no psychologist and you obviously know your wife better than I. I wish I could help. I'm guessing the only thing that will really help rebuild her confidence in herself is time, small successes... and maybe even a few falls (that result in no injury, obviously).

I can tell you probably the most important thing not to do is rush it or force it.

 

[Greg]

Don't take this the wrong way andy, and I got the impression Vee really loves skiing, but be sure she's out there because she wants to be, not just to please you. Take your time. She'll probably come around eventually.

 

[severine]

I understand that fear. It really plagued me at the end of last season to the point where I was doing exactly what Vee has been doing. Like Greg said, be sure she's out there because she wants to be. No pressure. Small successes help immensely in boosting confidence. Low crowds might help, too. Less stress about others around her. Falls still scare me. I had one last season on the 3rd trip or so out after getting the clearance to ski again and scrapped that ski day after only 3 runs (mind you, I drove 3 hours one-way to get there, too!). It takes time. She will come around, but you need to be very understanding and not push or pressure her.

 

[GrilledSteezeSandwich]

I think she should sign up for a womens ski program..maybe she'll get over her fears with a female instructor and female peers...Do you ski with her the entire day or split up so you can ski the double diamonds??

 

[Warp Daddy]

Andy I 've got similar problems with the Queen . She too had a serious accident at Attitash that required surgery steel plates and screws etc

She doesn't freeze up but simply stays on easy greens and has generally lost her zest for the sport . She'll ski with the grandkids and once or twice a yr with me . I LET HER DECIDE if she id going to ski that day or simply relax in the lodge while i ski . I LET HER DECIDE what to ski , and HOW Long to ski -- my role is to give her POSITIVE feedback and encouragement for her 'small victories" ( getting down the run with no stops at her speed) and try to coach technique when she asks

Her first time out this year she skied for 3 hrs IT WAS FANTASTIC " then quit at lunch .
I skied with her for all runs but 3 BUT frankly i considered the fact that SHE WAS ABLE TO SKI IT ALONE and asked to do so EVEN tho it was a very easy green .

On one of her runs alone She took a fall going down a modest headwall frankly it scared the shit outta ME ( I Was at a junctunction just below it having skied a parrallel trail ) but it was the BEST thing for her . Since she SHE PUT HERSELF DOWN in a controlled fall to avoid a problem and found out you can fall without getting hurt


I will NEVER be anything but supportive and if she wants to relax in the lodge while i ski fine but if and when and where she skis man that's HER decision all she'll get from me are smiles and "ATTA Girl's"

I am fortunate to have several ski buddies to go with but REALLY enjoy skiing with her -- she is a really good athlete who just needs to have her confidence back --

 

[andyzee]

Andy, how is she on the green and blue groomers? Is she still fearful there? Or is is just when she gets into steeper pitch/ gnarlier stuff?

She does good on green and blue groomers. The steeper gnarleir stuff gets to her and she can't handle icy conditions. As a result, I try to stay away from those, but lately it's not always easy. Case in point, we went to Windaham Sunday, hit a Blue run that my friend Jeff tried and stated was in good shape. We went down, ton of whales, she froze. It's unfortunate, but sometimes you just don't know what you'll hit, til you go down it. Jeff's observation was not off, but it was not the trail for her.

Don't take this the wrong way andy, and I got the impression Vee really loves skiing, but be sure she's out there because she wants to be, not just to please you. Take your time. She'll probably come around eventually.

Believe be Greg, that though has been going through my mind plenty and I do not try to push her into anything. Hope your right about the time, just been getting a bit concerned.

I think she should sign up for a womens ski program..maybe she'll get over her fears with a female instructor and female peers...Do you ski with her the entire day or split up so you can ski the double diamonds??

I ski with her the entire day unless she has a friend to ski with then I may take a few runs without her.

I am fortunate to have several ski buddies to go with but REALLY enjoy skiing with her -- she is a really good athlete who just needs to have her confidence back --

Same here and that's the biggest problem.

 

[billski]

With many exceptions acknowledged first, I'll draw a stereotype based primarily on maternal instict.

Kid is on the balance bar. Father is saying "you can do it! you can do it!" Mother is saying "be careful, be careful!" There is a whole protection instinct that men just don't seem to get Men in general take a lot more risks than women. (disclaimer, I know several exceptions to this rule.)

My wife spends her time on skis preventing falls and injuries. She's not skiing, she's doing something else. Won't progress this way.

I hear someone else suggest she's doing it to please you, to be with you. and once there are kids, the family flag goes up, she will be there for that. There is a lot of truth to that. As they get older, the concern is channeled into the kids and it gives an excuse not to ski.

Ski instructors have a lot of training and experience on this. As Marc indicates, the psych part is the most difficult. I suggest a 1-1 with an instructor or the woman's program suggested. The notion here is that it's someone else, not you. That's where the encouragement and learning come together. Friends should never teach friends to ski. Neither should spouses!

The other option is if she has other women friends who ski, invite them along.

And remember, with kids and adults, you need to appeal to their comfort level. You may just be making things worse going down the Whales. They may never want to do it again. You don't want to hear that! Plan it out, if need be. Go around, meet me at the bottom, no?

And frankly, as I've seen, as we age, there are more groups of older guys skiing together, than pairs of older couples or groups of women. It's just inevitable. Not that you shouldn't stop trying, but just give her the space she needs.

 

[2knees]

i'm going to take a slightly different route.

You are her husband, you know far better what is good for her and what she will enjoy then any of us internet psychologists. I would sit down and talk to her about what you just posted.

ask her if she still enjoys skiing, does she want to improve or is she content, now, to go a few times when conditions are good and she will be more comfortable. If she is truly scared, i cant imagine she is having any fun. but she needs to be honest with you and you need to be honest with yourself. If she's done, she's done. it wouldnt be fair to keep pushing her. Maybe even look at it as this being the rehab year and instead of pushing it, maybe she would like to hang it up till next year. I have no idea, obviously, just some random thoughts.

And if she is content to ski primarily greens and blues and only when conditions are good, then so be it. i'd bet if that were the case, in a year or two she'll move on up to where she was. Getting hurt at an older age isnt like getting hurt when we were 20.

Unless your name is Jay. :lol:

 

[andyzee]

i'm going to take a slightly different route.

You are her husband, you know far better what is good for her and what she will enjoy then any of us internet psychologists. I would sit down and talk to her about what you just posted.

ask her if she still enjoys skiing, does she want to improve or is she content, now, to go a few times when conditions are good and she will be more comfortable. If she is truly scared, i cant imagine she is having any fun. but she needs to be honest with you and you need to be honest with yourself. If she's done, she's done. it wouldnt be fair to keep pushing her. Maybe even look at it as this being the rehab year and instead of pushing it, maybe she would like to hang it up till next year. I have no idea, obviously, just some random thoughts.

And if she is content to ski primarily greens and blues and only when conditions are good, then so be it. i'd bet if that were the case, in a year or two she'll move on up to where she was. Getting hurt at an older age isnt like getting hurt when we were 20.

Unless your name is Jay. :lol:

Holy chit! Whatchu do with 2knees? You're 100% right and all things I thought about. Just gets a bit frustrating at times and figured it doesn't hurt to reach out and ask. Between here and Killingtonzone, I'm sure there have been plenty of injuries and advise from experience is a good thing.

 

[Grassi21]

My wife was a mess on the hill the winter after she gave birth to our son. We were alternating taking runs at Sundown while the other watched the kid. I think Sundown's vert is 620 ft. Her first run took her an hour. It was the only run she took that day. Her last ski day of that season was at Sugarbush in boot high pow. At the end of that day she decided to put off having another child until after the next ski season. All the pushing I did between Sundown and Sugarbush was fruitless. For her it was catching the right day and conditions to get her pumped about the sport again. My 2 cents.

 

[MRGisevil]

Andy, ask her to post on skidiva and tell her story. It might be worth it for her to hear a few similar stories from the ladies over there (and I'm sure they have loads of them). In most cases, it's a lot easier for a woman to reach out and relate to other women who've experienced similar situations than men. I don't post there much, but they seem to be an extremely supportive lot. You never know, having a 'network' may be helpful for her.

 

[severine]

Great suggestion! I always forget about Ski Diva because I feel like AZ is my home (having found it first) but the women there are incredibly supportive as well as understanding. I bet they could help Zee overcome her mental hurdles!

 

[Euler]

I'm in the middle of a time-out from skiing due to a fractured collarbone, and I'm already a bit gripped about skiing again. I go from wishing my Doc would give me the OK to ski again soon, to thinking that I ought to wait 'till next season no matter what because if I fall I might re-injure the collarbone.

It's a very natural thing to become cautious after an injury. I don't know that there's anything to do to help her out other than support and patience which it sounds like you already provide.

 

[ckofer]

Maybe a good woman-specific ski lesson (or several) may be in order. Many males tend to gravitate to taking dumber risks in general. Many women do not. Factor in a real injury and the caution becomes even more intense. A good instructor will know how to validate the feelings she is having and let her see beyond them.

 

[RISkier]

I think she should sign up for a womens ski program..maybe she'll get over her fears with a female instructor and female peers...Do you ski with her the entire day or split up so you can ski the double diamonds??

That would be my suggestion. Or try to find a good instructor that can work with her. There are instructors that almost make a specialty of working with folks that are fearful. I also agree with the idea that she shouldn't be pushed in any way to do things she's not comfortable doing. I fractured a knee several years ago and it really took me a long time to recover psychologically while skiing.

 

[Dr Skimeister]

Way back when in January, 1989, I had a boot-top tibia/fibula fracture. This resulted in my left leg being in a cast until June of that year. In the grand scheme of things, the healing and physical rehabilitation part was much easier than the mental rehabilitation.

When I resumed skiing that next season, I wanted so bad to just pick up where I had left off. I found myself just never being able to get into a consistent flow. I eventually discovered (OK...I was told by lots of people that I skied with) that I was over-skiing. I was afraid to let the skis run and wound up making waayyyy too many turns to check my speed. It then took most of that season for me to get the confidence in my healed leg to allow myself to ski again.

Whether your wife is still being tentative as a way of guarding her healed injury is a question for her to try to answer. Her resumption in trusting herself can only come at the speed she allows it to.

 

[bigbog]

...$.01

..What GrilledSteeze & RISkier said, but also...it's where.....don't mean to come off as pushing the local-thing...but Maine is simply less crowded...During the Week!! if possible...SR & the Loaf are practically deserted during the week....now till end of march is the best snow...usually;-)
$.01

 

[GrilledSteezeSandwich]

Enroll her in the Steep and Deep camp at Jackson Hole...lol..