Ski and Snowboarding Jokes

[RossiSkier]

Anybody know any good ski or snowboard jokes. All in good fun.

Q: What is the difference between God and a ski instructor?
A: God does not think he is a ski instructor

Q: How many ski instructors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine. One to screw in the light bulb and 8 to say nice turns!

Q: A car has five snowboarders in the back seat. What do you call the driver
A: Sheriff

 

[Stephen]

Q: How can you tell if the lift is balanced?
A: The snowboarders drool out of both sides of their mouth.

(A rip-off of a drummer joke...)

-Stephen

 

[highpeaksdrifter]

Q. What do snowboards and vacuum cleaners have in common?
A. They both have dirt bags attached to them.

Q. What are the most dangerous words ever heard at a ski area?
A. Dude, take my picture goin off this

Q. What's the first thing a snowboarder says to a skier on his first run of the day?
A. Ahhhhh, sorry dude, didn't see ya there.

 

[Zand]

Here's a dumb one I whipped up. You can't spell BOaRdING without boring. Kinda like you can't spell crap without rap.

 

[ski_resort_observer]

How do you become a millionaire as a ski instructor?

Start out as a billionaire

 

[catskills]

What can a pizza do that a ski instructor can not ?

 

[Sparky]

What can a pizza do that a ski instructor can not ?

Feed a family of four.

 

[lolkl]

P.S.I.A. = Probably Stay Inside Anyway
or backwards= Assholes In Stretch Pants

 

[Cannonball]

What's the hardest past about deciding to ski instead of snowboard?




Telling your dad you're gay.

 

[Black Phantom]

What's the hardest past about deciding to ski instead of snowboard?




Telling your dad you're gay.

Heavy bro.

 

[speden]

Skier's Dictionary

Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European skier on a U.S. mountain. An appropriate reply, "What's Zermatter?"

Bones: There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: TWO bones of the middle ear have never been broken in a skiing accident.

Exercises: A few simple warm-ups to make sure you're prepared for the slopes: 1. Tie a cinder block to each foot with old belts and climb a flight of stairs. 2. Sit on the outside of a second-story window ledge with your skis on and your poles in your lap for 30 minutes. 3. Bind your legs together at the ankles, lie flat on the floor; then, holding a banana in each hand, get to your feet.

Skier: One who pays an arm and a leg for the opportunity to break them.

Traverse: To ski across a slope at an angle; one of two quick and simple methods of reducing speed.
Tree: The other method.

 

[smowler]

A replay of drummer jokes:

How do you get a snowboarder off the porch?
Pay for the pizza.

What do you call a snowboarder without a girlfriend?
Homeless.

How many snowboarders does it take to change a light bulb?
10. 1 to hold the bulb and 9 to smoke enough dope to make the room spin around.

 

[vcunning]

Courtesy of Steven Wright

I got on this chairlift with this guy I didn't know. We went halfway up the mountain without saying a word. Then he turned to me and said, "You know, this is the first time I've gone skiing in ten years." I said, "Why did you take such a long time off?" He said, "I was in prison. Want to know why?" I said, "Not really...Well, okay, you better tell me why." He said, "I pushed a total stranger off a Ferris wheel." I said, "I remember you."

 

[MadPadraic]

Q. What do snowboards and vacuum cleaners have in common?
A. They both have dirt bags attached to them.

Q. What's the first thing a snowboarder says to a skier on his first run of the day?
A. Ahhhhh, sorry dude, didn't see ya there.

Q: How can you tell if the lift is balanced?
A: The snowboarders drool out of both sides of their mouth.

-Stephen

kinda mean spirited.

 

[C-Rex]

What's the hardest past about deciding to ski instead of snowboard?




Telling your dad you're gay.

HA!

 

[gmcunni]

i believe there is an old joke that goes something like

Q -what do you call a group of snowboarders?

A - a road block.

 

[troy]

What's the hardest past about deciding to ski instead of snowboard?




Telling your dad you're gay.

hands down winner, thx for sharin'

 

[SIKSKIER]

Ouch

What's the hardest past about deciding to ski instead of snowboard?
Telling your dad you're gay.

Gays on trays?

 

[Nick]

 

[Nick]

More humor:
http://www.skimybest.com/skihumor.htm