Financial Intimacy

[BeanoNYC]

How do you maintain seperate accounts with you significant other and keep financial intimacy? Right now we have only three joint bank accounts. One is a checking account for household payments. Another is a slush fund for savings. The other, we stash money into until we have a significant amount, then transfer it over to our mutual funds.

My wife and I have been talking about getting seperate spending accounts. As of now, I resent it when I see our checking statement and find a $150 dollar shoe charge from our checking card. She gets pissed off when I go on a spree for gear or video games.

We decided that we're going to deposit our paychecks in the checking account, then move a predeterminded amount from our respective checks into a private account for our own use (shoe's, clothes, pocketbooks/gear, video games, porn :blink: )

If you don't mind sharing, I'd like to know how you work it out. Also what do you think our idea for the extra accounts.

We kind of grew into our current financial situation with joint accounts because there was a time when we lived together before we got married and she was getting her masters that I paid for everything. When we got engaged, I just put her on the accounts.

Thanks -Rich-

 

[riverc0il]

not coming from first hand experience here, but instead of seperate accounts... why not discuss purchases over a certain amount of money with the significant other. or if certain items of purchase bother each person, then talk it out before making a buying decision. it sounds like you both are spending money on non-essential items that make each of you happy, as long as the budget and finances aren't super tight, not sure what the problem could be if you're both spending about the same free cash.

if the S/O is spending outta control, that should be talked about to. placing a physical limit by way of account is a rather stiff action within a marriage when accounts have previously been joined. if the situation is that bad, i'd recommend shoppers anon :lol:

 

[thetrailboss]

Well, we aren't married, but Ms. Trailboss and I discuss expenses and split the living costs at the end of every month or so...one reimbursing the other for expenses. It can be interesting at times...lately it seems I spend less than she..:roll:

 

[BeanoNYC]

Thanks Steve. The situation isn't bad but we figure that if we maintained personal spending accounts with a fixed budget, then we would be more careful about the spending. Let's say I want a pair of Vokls costing $1000 and we budgeted, let's say $200 a paycheck for personal spending. (we haven't come up with a number yet, so this will make easy math.) I'll sacrifice a big lunch, drinks with the guys, video games. until I have the grand saved up in 2-3 months. The way it is now, with the cash in the bank, I could get the skis.

We're thinking that this will make us more cognizant of our spending this way.

 

[BeanoNYC]

Well, we aren't married, but Ms. Trailboss and I discuss expenses and split the living costs at the end of every month or so...one reimbursing the other for expenses. It can be interesting at times...lately it seems I spend less than she..:roll:

Then pay attention, this is good for you too!

It's tough being recently married and figuring out this stuff, I can't find a solid way of doing this. Don't make me buy a Suze Ormond book!

 

[BeanoNYC]

why not discuss purchases over a certain amount of money with the significant other. or if certain items of purchase bother each person, then talk it out before making a buying decision.

The only problem with that, Steve, is the little things. A starbucks here, a manicure there, a beer here etc. It all adds up.

Money is not tight, but we're trying to save up for a down payment on a house on the Island (have you seen the real estate there lately?) I would like to avoid a blended mortgage or a PMI with 20% if possible.

Sometimes I felt it was easier to skimp and save when we were fresh out of college.

 

[riverc0il]

The only problem with that, Steve, is the little things. A starbucks here, a manicure there, a beer here etc. It all adds up.

yea, but you only live once seriously, if those things are starting to add up, just restrict your consumption. you don't need personal acounts to do that, just talking to each other and personal restraint.

besides, you know you want those volkls

i haven't seen the housing prices down on LI, but i have seen the housing prices in VT! i don't think i'm gonna be renting for very long!

 

[Vortex]

The more individual stuff you do the less you work together. We have our own credit cards our debit cards have different numbers same accounts. That allows us to buy gifts without the other knowing for a bit. Steve was on track I think. If we spend more than a certain amount we tell eachother or talk about it. Being frugal does not require seperation for us. It just depends. No right way.

 

[pedxing]

In my first marriage (17 years long) we had shared bank accounts, and never had disagreements about things we bought for ourselves. Since we had kids together, we really had a sense of a common economic plan and interests.

I'm remarried and we keep most of our money separate - primarily becasue we have two kids each of our own. It's complicated, but dividing things up still requires basic trust. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not worried if we don't get things 100% right, it's not like credit card bills, or phone bills where a mistake means my money goes to some giant corporation.