Overprotective or Overreacting?

[Hawkshot99]

In one way I can understand him not wanting you to be alone. I do not like skiing alone just in case something happens. I still do, but I ski way different.

However if he is saying it because he doesn't want you out there meeting other guys, well then you need to tell him to piss off. He needs to trust you.

 

[Greg]

I wish I could get her to love this sport as much as I do in which case, I would not have this problem.

In some regards, some time apart and maintaining a bit of your own identity is a good thing. A married couple doesn't have to do everything together. You really can't get anybody to have the passion for skiing either.

I play professional badminton and hence go for practice twice a week for that too. I plan to cut on those practice days to make room for more skiing this season.

Professional badminton? That sounds pretty cool actually. I took a badminton class in college and had a blast. To make a tie-in to this conversation, it turns out my future wife was in that class too.

Anyway, again it's all about balance. I used to like to hike and backpack quite a bit and basically cut that out (wasn't asked to) so I can ski more, which is like billski says below only part of the year (more like 5.5 months for me.)

Tell her it's only 3 months (er, maybe a wee bit more out of 12, she's got you the other 9.

 

[highpeaksdrifter]

Well, for a moment there, you had me worried sick about Meredith. Fortunately she's a runner and this apparently is only a phenomenon inherent to skiing.

Randi, HPD is right. You certainly should not go skiing alone with another male aside from your husband because apres you will end up at the bar where you'll either not be able to keep your legs closed or you'll be raped in a fit of inebriated aggression.

It makes perfect sense to me.

You and reefer took my statement personally. Over the years (be it many years) I've known several men and woman, in work, clubs, same social groups who started out just being friends and ended up leaving their spouse or significant other because the friends became more then friends. I’m not saying this happens in every situation, it’s the exception that proves the norm, but it does happen. I'll bet both of you know of people who it's happened to.

 

[Marc]

You and reefer took my statement personally.

Are you suggesting I had reason not to?

 

[severine]

I know you asked for advice from guys, but can I add in? And also suggest maybe asking this on theskidiva.com as well? Might help to have a woman's perspective.

When boys and girls play together stuff happens. I've seen it happen lots of times and so have most of you. If the guy finds his "just friends" female companion attrective he wants to get with her whether he acts on it at first or not. Through in some drinks after a great day skiing together....Just sayin.

I've seen this happen all over the place. Especially in workplace situations. But seeing as you say Tim is not the jealous type, then I'm assuming this is not his concern.

I've been married 22 years. My wife's interest in skiing declined rapidly after our children could ski, for whatever reason. I would try to find others to go with me, but sometimes there are powder days and no friends...So solo I would go. She really didn't like it, because she thought I'd end up a corpse in the woods, attacked by a tree traveling at 30mph, and falling into a ravine. So I made a compromise that works.

When I ski alone, I promise to:
1) never ski in un-patrolled areas.
2) never ski woods alone (duh, that goes anytime, but it's now stated.)
3) bring a radio and a whistle (cell phones don't work).
4) always tell her what resort I'm going to be at (I make a lot of last minute change.)
5) bring snacks to give to bears so they don't eat me :razz:

You're female and that's your second issue. So, to handle that I propose the same due diligence that you would have when visiting Gotham:
a) Never walk in dark alleys (or dark parking lots)
b) Don't visit the bar.:-o
c) E.T., phone home. Let him know you're done, you're safely in your car and you're on your way home. What's for dinner, honey??

Ground rules are a must. Brian skis quite often without me, mainly because I had 2 pregnancies that made me lose out on skiing entirely for those winters... and somebody has to watch the kid(s). As long as you're not doing anything reckless, there shouldn't be any cause for concern. It's no more risky than going with somebody else. And if you do get hurt that's what ski patrol is for. Just be sure to keep emergency contact info on you and call periodically to check in (if that will allay his fears).

Take my wife...PLEASE!!!!


Ya rly. Take her, she could use a little practice, and I could use the....um....yeah...ooohhh, lookatthetimegottagokthxbye!

You just keep on trying to give her away! Poor woman!

In some regards, some time apart and maintaining a bit of your own identity is a good thing. A married couple doesn't have to do everything together. You really can't get anybody to have the passion for skiing either.

I totally agree with this. You can't be expected to spend all your free time together - it's just not healthy. It's good to have other interests and explore them. Just need balance, that's all.

Now that said, like was mentioned in another thread, I'm going to try a weekly gathering at Sundown for the girls (barring illness and catastrophe, of course, since it's not always easy to get away from 2 kids). I actually don't mind skiing alone as the quiet is good for me, but it will be good to get around some estrogen every once in a while. I'm with you on wanting to ski Sundays and one weeknight a week - that's what I did in my one good season I had and it felt about right. You're welcome to join us any time, whether it's the regular AZ Wed night or the floating ladies' night. Then at least you won't be skiing alone. And Sundown is a pretty safe hill, IMHO.

 

[w.ski]

I agree with Severine. Sundown is about as safe as you can get - certainly can't get lost! I skied in a Wednesday women's group at Sundown for years, and now have a wonderful group of avid women skiers to share the winter with.

 

[Greg]

I was brought up that if I had nothing good to say, just shut up, so I'll just shut up..............................is this yor husband MRG?

You and reefer took my statement personally. Over the years (be it many years) I've known several men and woman, in work, clubs, same social groups who started out just being friends and ended up leaving their spouse or significant other because the friends became more then friends. I’m not saying this happens in every situation, it’s the exception that proves the norm, but it does happen. I'll bet both of you know of people who it's happened to.

Are you suggesting I had reason not to?

You guys need to lighten up on HPD. He's keeping it real here and does make a point. I don't think he meant anything personal despite quoting your posts in order to reply. I know all three of you off the boards and you're all stand-up guys (yes, even you, Marc ). Not all guys are; that's HPD's point.

 

[snoseek]

Go skiing as much as you can, this is how you are. carry a cell in case of emergency. set aside days to spend together every once in a while.

 

[highpeaksdrifter]

Are you suggesting I had reason not to?

Yeah I am, it wasn't directed at you or anyone in particular.

Two years ago a divorced attractive woman started taking to my wife and I at a school function. It turns out she was an avid skier and her and I got into a long conversation about it.

That was ok with my wife, but when we went in to the school auditorium the woman sat next to me and continued talking to me. I could tell my wife was getting pissed off even though in our 20 years of marriage I have never strayed.

On the way out of the school show the attractive woman said it would be fun if her and her son and me and mine went skiing some time. She dropped her son off at our house about a week later to hang out with mine and asked me when we could go skiing?

I asked my wife if it was ok with her (she is not the jealous type) and she said “There’s no freakin way that’s going to happen and if you go with her, even with the kids, we will have a major problem.”

I said, “ Why would a beautiful, younger single woman be interested in a 51 year old, married, bald teacher for anything but skiing.”

She said, “We’ve had a great marriage for 20 years, why take the chance, even good men are weak when it comes to a pretty face.”

I’m not the running around womanizing type, and I never went skiing with her, but I have to admit I fantasized about that woman for a while. It’s the nature of the beast.

There, know I’ve laid my soul bare, so don’t take it personal. I meant no harm.

 

[Paul]

You just keep on trying to give her away! Poor woman!

Srsly, just schtick. Big Henny Youngman fan. :razz: Of course, if I could give her away, I tend to doubt that she'd be referring to herself as "poor" "Lucky" maybe....:dunce:

You guys need to lighten up on HPD. He's keeping it real here and does make a point. I don't think he meant anything personal despite quoting your posts in order to reply. I know all three of you off the boards and you're all stand-up guys (yes, even you, Marc ). Not all guys are; that's HPD's point.

I've only met Greg, out of all of youse, so I'll take his word at being stand-up, but I agree here, I think HPD was making a general point here, not pointed at any of you.

But Siggy Freud might have something to say about your defensiveness....(j/k)

 

[Marc]

Yeah I am, it wasn't directed at you or anyone in particular.

Yes, I realize that now, thanks. I'm asking why I shouldn't have thought your original post was directed and reefer and me. Clearly we both thought it was before your subsequent posts further clarifying your position.

I not only took umbrage with your apparent evaluation of my situation, but your overreaching generalization implicating male and female companions. Generalizations without qualifiers are nearly always patently false. This:

When boys and girls play together stuff happens.

is a fine example of a generalization without a qualifier.

And here you went on to claim that you were describing the exception, rather than the rule;

Over the years (be it many years) I've known several men and woman, in work, clubs, same social groups who started out just being friends and ended up leaving their spouse or significant other because the friends became more then friends. I’m not saying this happens in every situation, it’s the exception that proves the norm, but it does happen. I'll bet both of you know of people who it's happened to.

while you used a generalization as your opening statement. A generalization is used to state the rule, not the exception. You were not clear at all and from where I sit you appear to be back tracking even if you didn't intend to do so. The full post in question for further reference:

When boys and girls play together stuff happens. I've seen it happen lots of times and so have most of you. If the guy finds his "just friends" female companion attrective he wants to get with her whether he acts on it at first or not. Through in some drinks after a great day skiing together....Just sayin.

The point is, while infidelity may be a cause for concern for some, it certainly isn't for all, and it certainly is impossible to know for how much of the general or skiing population, and since none of us know Randi or her husband, the polite thing to do would be to give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

[Marc]

You guys need to lighten up on HPD. He's keeping it real here and does make a point.

If he does, he does so in a very long and confusing manner.

I don't think he meant anything personal despite quoting your posts in order to reply.

Like I stated above, this wasn't apparent to either reefer or me before HPD clarified his position, so at best, he was being ambiguous.

I know all three of you off the boards and you're all stand-up guys (yes, even you, Marc ). Not all guys are; that's HPD's point.

If that was HPD's only point, I suspect he could have made it far more concise (for example, by saying exactly what you just did). If it was his only point, he communicated it very poorly.

In any case, why should Randi's husband be concerned about a man hitting on his wife (for the sake of argument, let's assume for a moment violent criminals don't patronize ski resorts) if he isn't concerned about Randi's loyalty? Of course, she's already told us he isn't, so this is all rather moot at this point, isn't it.

 

[Greg]

Hey Marc - read the third word of this thread title.

Now read it again.

Get it?

 

[Marc]

Hey Marc - read the third word of this thread title.

Now read it again.

Get it?

Yes.

 

[highpeaksdrifter]

Hey Marc,
Thanks for ripping my posts apart. While it’s true, as you so eloquently point out, that I did not make my point clearly, at least they where not meant to be insulting or condescending toward you. I’m done trying to placate you; you can stay up on your high horse for all I care.

 

[Grassi21]

I love to ski.

Me too.

PS - I started typing a reply to this thread 5 times and backed out. People get so fired up.... even during ski season.

 

[Paul]

Hey Marc - read the third word of this thread title.

Now read it again.

Get it?

She may be using the term "Overreacting" to ask if she is overreacting to his possible overprotectiveness.

See, that's speculation. That's what I think HPD was doing. I don't think he was accusing anyone of impropriety. I think he was making a speculation regarding the question of whether the AZ community thought Randi's husband was being overprotective, or she was overreacting (or he was overreacting) to his concerns. HPD was trying to get to the bottom of what those concerns were based on, safety (solo skiing is, let's face it, more risky than being with a partner) or jealousy. You can't just assume that jealousy has nothing to do with it as no one here knows either of these folks personally. She may say he doesn't get jealous, and she may honestly believe that. Doesn't mean that he can't be. It doesn't matter how long you are with a person for, if someone wants to hide something that the other would rather not see anyway, they can. Now I am in NO WAY suggesting that the above is the case with them. However, based on people I've known, etc... it could be a possible scenario.

Just speculating, this is, after all, a message forum....

 

[Greg]

Me too.

PS - I started typing a reply to this thread 5 times and backed out. People get so fired up.... even during ski season.

Ha! I whacked my post cuz I didn't want to stir the pot too much, and you outed me! :lol:

 

[Paul]

Ha! I whacked my post cuz I didn't want to stir the pot too much, and you outed me! :lol:

Yeah... ditto.

 

[Brettski]

I play professional badminton

blowing chunks

seriously